The Truth About the Election

You probably realize that I don't pull many punches. In that vein, I'm going to share something that I think of as each new election draws near. While some of us might be doing frantic calculations to determine who will be the next president, it all comes down to one thing: the BBQ factor.

When Americans go to the polls to pick a president, they're not thinking about taxes, foreign policy, or kindergarten transcripts. They're thinking, "Now which of these candidates would I want at my BBQ." Ideally, the president will arrive clad in a plaid shirt, grab a Pabst Blue Ribbon from the cooler, and sidle up to the grill to flip some meat with his buddies.

Now, do Americans really want Hillary at their BBQ? Just imagine--she'd show up, demand shiraz, and wrestle control from the host. Before you know it, she's thrown out the beef and pork in favor of more healthy chicken and fish. No condiments allowed either.

Will Obama be invited to the BBQ? Only for some post-BBQ lynching.

Giuliani? I'm not sure America will take too kindly to someone trying to work his Italian sausage into things.

Romney? Can you trust a man who won't drink a beer?

What it comes down to here is Huckabee and Edwards. Both electable. Both suitable for BBQ invites.

I'll take Edwards. After we grill our plethora of meats and ride around in the fluffy clouds and dazzling rainbows on our unicorns, we'll be handing out leftover meat to the poor.