Desperate Times

And didst the Sodomites dine upon the Scrod of unhappiness.
Psalm 293

Now dost the Democrats prepare to trot out the most unelectable Lesbian in modern history. At the DNC they laugh and say, "Where's your Jesus now, Reverend Gromit?" I urgeth you to protect thine families.

Vile Sinners, riddle me this:

Let's say you have a teenage daughter. Let's call her Jesusette. Now you are paying out thousands for Jesusette to attend a private girls High School. Now one day, Jesusette comes home with a mean looking field hockey goalie named Hilda and your little angel announces that she is a Sodomite. And LORD smite it, they holdest hands.

How many nights have you been on your knees, entreating the Almighty for grandchildren? How many child beauty pageants did you enter little Jesusette in so she could discover the joy of girdles and stiletto heels? And how many Sundays did you bring Daddy's little girl to hear the Reverend Gromit talk about the "abstinence explosion" of the LORD? Not enough apparently, but it is not too late. But time is of the essence.

For the Devil hath granted the evil Lesbian unnatural knowledge of the lady parts. When a good, G-d fearing straight man gets into the marriage bed he says, "Woman! Line 'em up so I can knock 'em down." And it is good.

If thy wife says unto him, "Why dost thou not put thy mouth to my nether regions?" He dost what the LORD would dost. He screameth "HEATHEN!" and smackest her with the Old Testament. But the Lesbian doth not do such. She doth useth the mouth of the Sodomite to draw the devil from thy pure daughter's nether regions.

Recently, Africa hath been making advances in "Lesbian Control". Some of their methods are extreme, but effective. My personal favorite: stitch that thang up. Stitch it and give thy son-in-law the sacred golden scissors right after the Father-Daughter Wedding Dance (which is not at all weird, praise Allah!) Then Jesusette will be right with the LORD once again, and Hilda will be Shitteth Out of Lucketh. (Numbers 39:93)