For the people will slay the golden yak of freedom, and bask in the warming light of security.
3 Corinthians 65:9
Hello Sinners, I am His Holiness the Most Reverend Gromit. I have been sent by the LORD to rid this blog of Satanic Leftists. I will cleanse all of the internets of this filth in the name of God's chosen prophet, "W".
Praise be to Gromit.
Last summer when Mike "Chugmaster" Huckabee, Mitt "Baseball Glove" Romney and I were scuba-diving in the Caymans, we shared many things. We shared bible verses, oversized cans of Japanese beer and we even shared a case of the clap we got from the same frightened street urchin.
But the most important thing we shared was their plans for America. And of course they shared confidential NSA data about Barack Saddam bin Laden al Qaeda...oops! Slip of the keyboard. I mean, of course, Senator Osama. I'll catapult the propaganda in a way that every great American with a GED can understand. The candidate's plans:
Defense of Marriage
Huckabee: Marriage is between one man and one woman (Just as Mary was married to Joseph...and God...bad example.)
Romney: Marriage is between one man and as many Thai girls as can fit in a FedEx pak. (Amen!)
Obama: Marriage is between one black man and your wife.
Immigration Reform
Huckabee: If they run, shoot 'em with a gun. If they put up their hands, also shoot 'em.
Romney: A sponsor of "The Moat": a mile-wide canal between the US of A and Mexico filled with dragons. (Not sure about where the dragons will come from but I like it.)
Obama: Rename the USA "Los Enchiladas Grandes."
The War with Iran
Huckabee: Bomb 'em.
Romney: Nuke 'em.
Obama: Not so fast--I have a summer house there!
Health Care
Huckabee: The only Health Care we need is the healing power of prayer. (Praise Jesus for Dr. Steinberg!)
Romney: The poor will be free to sell their organs on eBay. (Buy it now!)
Obama: Every town will be assigned a retired Soviet doctor and all private doctors will be reassigned to Guam.
So on Tuesday in New Hampshire, you know what to do: steal the election. Praise be to Gromit, Amen.
3 comments:
Glory be to the Father, Son and the Holy Gromit.
Huckabee on immigration:
Mike Huckabee wants to amend the Constitution to prevent children born in the U.S. to illegal aliens from automatically becoming American citizens, according to his top immigration surrogate -- a radical step no other major presidential candidate has embraced.
Mr. Huckabee, who won last week's Republican Iowa caucuses, promised Minuteman Project founder James Gilchrist that he would force a test case to the Supreme Court to challenge birthright citizenship, and would push Congress to pass a 28th Amendment to the Constitution to remove any doubt.
Gromit, was Jim Gilchrist actually on the trip to the Caymans? I'm just curious, because I want to know if he willingly gave up watching a border to try crossing some himself.
W--Is that you? I wouldst kiss the feet of thy sandals if thy only didn't have so much toe fungus. The LORD giveth, and the LORD don't taketh that fungus away.
Salil--Jim Gilchrist, employs illegal immigrant child care just as our LORD and savior did with Mary Magdeline's "mystery spawn." Thus, praise Solomon's teat, he can be on the beach as much as possible. Unfortunately he has ungodly BO so we did not invite him.
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