Fed to pay you to take US money

I still don't think this will help the economy.

Little Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye

One of the benefits of living in an ultra-swank building in one of those cities where developers spent the last five years thinking, "What will attract these young hipsters to our condos?" is that you can watch CNN (does this reveal my city or what?) while waiting for the elevator and can even program your key fob so the TV inside the elevator switches to a channel of your choice.

But imagine my dismay when my daily dose of CNN informs me that my darling, my golden boy, nay, my man has decided to drop out of the Presidential race. Oh, little Johnny. With your John Ritter-style good looks (before he got all pudge), your charming smile, your gold Dodge Grand Caravan, your brilliant and humble wife, you were my last great hope for this country.

*Tear*

It's not every day that someone who occupies a position of privilege actually takes the time to think about the people who really make this country, its economy, and the great machine of capitalism tick. A political platform, certainly, but also an understanding of the types of programs and policies we really need to sustain our labor force. And by sustain, I'm not talking about keeping the workers alive. What I mean, instead, is that these people deserve respect, dignity, and access to health care, jobs, and education--all of these things that so many of us (including me) enjoy uncritically.

When I was holed up in my Ivy League tower, drinking my education through a funnel (that's a joke, Mom), I really didn't think much about how and why I got there. Yes, I knew that my immigrant parents took a great risk, came to America and worked very hard. Yes, I knew that I had worked hard enough to get into college. But I never thought about why people didn't get college educations, didn't have health care, didn't have jobs.

These are things that became urgently important to me, particularly when I began to work in education, saw and heard about what can happen in classrooms, and read more about the state of the public education in the United States, Every Child Left Behind, and everything by Jay Matthews (for what that's worth). Later, when I went to graduate school and took a course on pedagogy, I read Paulo Freire's Literacy and, later, Pedagogy of the Oppressed. While Brazilian adult education might not seem germane to the problems ongoing in the United States today, Freire had his finger on the pulse of the ideological state apparatus:

Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming more fully human. This distortion occurs within history; but it is not an historical vocation. Indeed, to admit of dehumanization as an historical vocation would lead either to cynicism or total despair. The struggle for humanization, for the emancipation of labor, for the overcoming of alienation, for the affirmation of men and women as persons would be meaningless. This struggle is possible only because dehumanization, although a concrete historical fact, is not a given destiny but the result of an unjust order that engenders violence in the oppressors, which in turn dehumanizes the oppressed.

John Edwards showed a commitment to the enterprise of being human instead of a commitment to corporations more interested in the enterprise of dehumanization. He realized that those of us who have the means can be noblesse oblige, in the true sense of the word--nobility obliges, with great privilege comes great responsibility. Critics derided Edwards for that soundbite we've all heard: his father was a mill worker as was his grandfather before him. But even though Edwards--a first-generation college student--got the education his father and grandfather never could have and earned amounts of money of which his forefathers only could have dreamed, he remembered where he came from. He remembered the people he came from.

For a brief moment, I had great hope that we might have a leader who was willing to put his money where his mouth was, cared about invisible labor and exploited workers, and demonstrated a commitment to the sort of progressive populism that we so desperately need to make the world a better place. Perhaps you're thinking, "Oh, that'll never happen" and, believe me, I've heard it before. But John Edwards believed that it could happen and offered us a politics of hope.

State of the Union Predictions

Because I loooooove to prognosticate (and, apparently, procrastinate), here are my thoughts on tonight's State of the Union Address.

Things we will hear:

• "The State of the Union is strong!" (*snort*)
• "No Child Left Behind was a success!" (*snort*)
• "The troop surge worked!" (*snort*)
• "I care about America!" (*triplefucking snort*)
• "Pass my most awesome, excellent economic stimulus package!" (*sigh*)

Things we will not hear:

• the truth.
• the truth.
• the truth.
  

Obama Kicks Hillary's Ass: South Carolina

I'm flabbergasted that CNN is reporting that Obama won without emphasizing the gigantic victory he had over Hillary. Even more interesting is that 61% of the Dem. voters were female, yet Obama won. I think this is a great sign that we're not allowing identity politics to determine our votes.

Someone I know posted a message which indicated that one could not call herself a feminist if she didn't vote for Hillary. I found this statement completely appalling. I told her as much. A mild debate ensued, and she finally gave up when I suggested that a feminist might, you know, actually think about *all women* (to say nothing of all people!). Is Hillary Clinton good for *all women*? I don't think so. Maybe glass-ceiling-breaking professional women and corporate women in particular. But does she care about working-class women? She doesn't appear to care about working-class people at all. Some other people--including avowed feminists--jumped in to agree that her original statement was offensive. Am I a feminist? Well, I believe that there should be equality between all sexes (and ethnicities, class-status, etc.), so I guess so. Do I believe that Hillary is the best choice? No.

And neither do the women of South Carolina.

John Edwards made a third place showing, and he is vowing to stay in the race. Is this a good plan? Well, I think it is. Perhaps he'll have some kingmaker-style leverage at the convention--though since I just don't understand this "superdelegate" business, who knows. But his presence calms me. And anyone who can calm me is good in my books.

Na na na na.... Na na na na... Hey Hey Hey... Goodbye

Elliott Stabler, Olivia Benson, Richard Belzer, Ice-T, and Assistant D.A. Casey Novak are getting their D.A. back!

Fred Thompson drops out of the race.

More Interest Rate Cuts, Stocks Drop

Read this article. I challenge you to prove to me that we're not already in recession.

Huckster Challenge: Raze the South

I challenge any reader* to the complete the following three steps:

1. Watch this video.

2. Repeat these sentences 10 times: The man admitted to the act of frying a squirrel in a popcorn popper. And eating it.

3. Vote that man into the White House proudly admit to it for four years.

I never thought I'd ever admit to this, but....Hilary Clinton is looking good right now.

Side Note: Does Mike's mode of cooking make anyone, like it does me, wonder, how said squirrel was actually caught?


*(Only valid for readers born/raised outside the area commonly referred to as Dixie and do not believe that Adam and Eve rode dinoback through the Garden, that Jefferson Davis was the first president, and/or that Jesus was a virgin.

H-Bomb Representin'

And the Fishmonger shall don the robes of Cain.
Esther 121:2

Recession Roundup: Stupid Economic Simulus

Word out on the street is that Bush is pushing a $145 billion economic stimulus package designed to prevent us from entering a recession. (N.B. Can we stop pretending we're not in a recession already?)

This package includes up to $800 in tax relief for income tax payers, which will be accomplished without repealing Bush's tax cuts for the rich.

Explain me this: Given our current deficit, how is this a good plan? I will remind you that the US National Debt clock currently reads:

.

But where will this money come from? Will we just tack it onto our deficit? We're certainly not getting it from the wealthy--those very people who have benefited from Bush's presidency and who, in truth, bear partial responsibility for the state of the economy at the moment. Had they said, "You know? We should do our part and be taxed fairly," I don't think we'd be in as dire a situation as we are right now. (Given Bush's stupidity, no doubt we'd still be SOL but not to the tune of nearly $9.2 trillion.)

And what about the people who don't pay income tax? There's something like 50 million Americans who don't pay income tax because they do not make enough money to have to pay! They could certainly use $800 more than I could. In fact, mark my words, if I receive an $800 check from the U.S. Treasury, I will find a family who doesn't pay income tax, and I will GIVE them my check. I mean it. I know it's not going to solve the world's problems, but I'll do it for the principle. Don't these people deserve some relief, seeing as they're the people with the *real* problems: the ones who can't afford to put a tank of gas in their cars (if they even own one), the ones who can't afford the rising cost of food staples, the ones who don't have job security because they work in construction and will be the first to be laid off, the ones who have to choose between buying their children a winter coat and paying for the gas bills that heat their homes. Why should a family of four making between $25K and $40K not receive tax relief while I would?

If you have a chance to call up your Senators or Representatives about this, please do. Tell them that you support a stimulus package that looks after non-income-tax-paying individuals. These are the people being hit hardest by the recession that we are currently in. These are the individuals who have the most to lose when money is cut from social programs to pay for my $800. And if you are fortunate enough to receive a relief check, give it to someone who really needs it. While stimulating the economy, you will also be helping out someone who really needs it. Because, face it, you probably don't.

South Carolina Republican Primary Christian Voting Guide

Hello evil bastards. The Most Reverend Gromit, voted most LORDish Minister 3 years running in Jesus magazine, here with an important message.

If thou votest in tomorrow's South Carolina Republican primary, most likely you are not reading this, because you cannot read. But let's say you have "kinfolk" living in the backwater the Klan never forgot. Read this post to them as if they were blind, retarded children. For in the LORD's eyes, we all are blind and retarded.

Voters: as you ridest in the family wheelbarrow to the polls tomorrow, you may be distracted by how attractive your cousin is. Or you may wrestleth with Grandpa for another swig of corn liquor, or for a taste of Grandpa's meds. Do not let Satan lead you astray from your sacred duty to vote for someone who loves to kill the brown peoples of the world: a Republican! Before thou stumblest into the voting booth, there are things that the LORD needs you to know about the candidates.

And Lo! Didst the LORD spakest upon high to the Reverend Gromit. HE didst say that not only did I have fantastic wingtips, but also shared a little "holy nugget" about each candidate. I tried to scan the stone tablets he didst hand unto me, but alack, scanners are made of glass. Satan's glass.

So now, with much further ado, is Jesus's Christian voter's guide.

Rudolph Giuliani: Canst I not buy a vowel sir? There may not be an "i" in team, but there are 15 in Giuliani. This is a sure sign that Giuliani is a dirty Papist, and he may even be...Italian. He also sneaks into the homes of good Christian women and aborts their babies whilst they sleepest.

Mike "Jesus Jr." Huckabee: On the confederate flag: "In fact, if someone came to the state of Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them where to put the pole - that's what we'd do." Amen. You know a man is a good Christian when he is imagining thousands of people being anally penetrated.

Duncan Hunter: Even the LORD doesn't know who this guy is.

John McCain: How many illegitimate Black children dost John McCain have tucked away around the country? 587. That's the kind of info that only the LORD and Dick Cheney are privy to.

Ron Paul: Public masturbator.

Mitt Romney: While Mitt believes in several unnecessary extra Bibles, he also believes in polygamy. Which the LORD is all about. This is how the LORD explaineth it to me: "If I wanted men to have only one wife, I wouldn't have made Thai prostitutes so ME-damn hott." Yes, the LORD spell hot in mysterious ways.


Fred Thompson: Hast thou ever looked upon Fred Thompson and thinkest that his skin is starting to fall off of his head? This is because Fred Thompson died last year and taxidermists have been frantically trying to keep him looking alive. It hast not been working.

So tomorrow, when you push that Diebold voting machine touch screen, remember: Huckabee is Holy, but Romney is Rocking the Poligamy thing. So Romney it is. Amen, and praise be to Gromit.

Lou-ser

Best reason rationalizing Lou's run for the White House:

"Lou Dobbs does not want to run for President and does not consider himself a politician. Sometimes, history demands that good people do what someone must do!"

Some campaign predictions and promises of a Dobbs Presidency: He runs on the platform to outlaw anything with a Mexican word in its name/title. Taco Bell included. Chihuahuas will be exterminated. He only campaigns at Borders bookstores. Tom Tancredo is his obvious choice for vice-president. (Funny thing about Tancredo - his name is the synthesis of two spanish words tan and credo. My rudimentary knowledge suggests that his last name means Like a creed or such as a creed. His stance on immigrations proves that Tommy lives up to his name). Lastly, New Mexico will be forced to declare a new name or face the fact that Lou's iron fist will be hovering over the red telephone. There's already been one nuclear explosion on your turf New Mexico...

Johnny Edwards Just Wants Some Love

Let's give it to him!

Hugo, No Not Victor

Have you heard the news? Hugo Chavez is dating Naomi Campbell. I believe it. When she went to Venezuela to interview him for GQ, he entreated her to touch his muscles. Apparently, she liked what she felt.

This news just confirms my knowledge about the awesome power of Hugo Chavez.

Why I Love Hugo:

-Any friend of Fidel's is a friend of mine
-Fidel gave Hugo the sword of Simon Bolivar, passing the torch la revolución (Yes, that's the sword to the left. Please refrain from comment.)
-Survived an attempted coup by the CIA
-Called Dubya the devil and swore he could still smell the sulfur
-Thinks Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival should be required reading for all world leaders
-Is not afraid to challenge America

Why do you love Hugo?

Desperate Times

And didst the Sodomites dine upon the Scrod of unhappiness.
Psalm 293

Now dost the Democrats prepare to trot out the most unelectable Lesbian in modern history. At the DNC they laugh and say, "Where's your Jesus now, Reverend Gromit?" I urgeth you to protect thine families.

Vile Sinners, riddle me this:

Let's say you have a teenage daughter. Let's call her Jesusette. Now you are paying out thousands for Jesusette to attend a private girls High School. Now one day, Jesusette comes home with a mean looking field hockey goalie named Hilda and your little angel announces that she is a Sodomite. And LORD smite it, they holdest hands.

How many nights have you been on your knees, entreating the Almighty for grandchildren? How many child beauty pageants did you enter little Jesusette in so she could discover the joy of girdles and stiletto heels? And how many Sundays did you bring Daddy's little girl to hear the Reverend Gromit talk about the "abstinence explosion" of the LORD? Not enough apparently, but it is not too late. But time is of the essence.

For the Devil hath granted the evil Lesbian unnatural knowledge of the lady parts. When a good, G-d fearing straight man gets into the marriage bed he says, "Woman! Line 'em up so I can knock 'em down." And it is good.

If thy wife says unto him, "Why dost thou not put thy mouth to my nether regions?" He dost what the LORD would dost. He screameth "HEATHEN!" and smackest her with the Old Testament. But the Lesbian doth not do such. She doth useth the mouth of the Sodomite to draw the devil from thy pure daughter's nether regions.

Recently, Africa hath been making advances in "Lesbian Control". Some of their methods are extreme, but effective. My personal favorite: stitch that thang up. Stitch it and give thy son-in-law the sacred golden scissors right after the Father-Daughter Wedding Dance (which is not at all weird, praise Allah!) Then Jesusette will be right with the LORD once again, and Hilda will be Shitteth Out of Lucketh. (Numbers 39:93)

The Economist's campaign blog had an interesting post from the other night positing a new low for punditry. A strong claim is being made that Chris Matthews* (and presumably his industry kith) are unable to objectively hate on Hilary, thus increasing the compassion voters have for her. It makes sense, if you think about it in an irrational way -- and most voters vote irrationally. I can see many people, especially women, saying to themselves "Well she's been through so much already and Obama is winning by a lot, so I'll just vote for her to make her feel better".
As far as the recount goes, I think it will have little effect on the outcome. It's unlikely that Hilary swindled anyone. I think more independents voted for McCain over Obama (and Ron Paul) and more people turned out in general. Hilary has more support from voters than Obama does and the loss of the indie vote to McCain hurt him more than we realize. I think Clinton was (pleasantly) surprised by the NH win, expecting a second place finish instead. Even if something suspicious did happen, it's going to be nearly impossible to connect Hilary to voter fraud. It's not like Bush himself rigged the election in 2000. We like to say he stole the election, but it's more plausible that Republican operatives rigged the vote in Republican held districts than that Bush directed them to steal the vote for him. The orders for voter fraud are more likely to come from the party than the candidate. Also, if there was voter fraud, you can bet that the parties do not want it openly reported to the public and here's why:

1. Apathetic voters will be even less likely to come to the polls.
2. It will seem like the candidates are already chosen and this is only a dog-and-pony show.
3. It gives the edge to the other party in terms of ethical reputation, potentially hurting the
entire part in the Congressional elections (occurring the same day as the Presidential vote).
And finally,
4. It cements the suspicions that the public has about how votes are meaningless, politics are
inclusive of the people, politicians are calculating, power-greedy, and patronizing. It will
demoralize the voters and make the elections even less credible.

*The most disturbing thing about this whole theory is Chris Matthews. He's a pundit's pundit who looks like he's having the slowest stroke in history. The worse thing about him is that he can't even laugh. Instead of producing the sound of laughter that all humans make when they're amused, he actually pronounces the word (HA!) that represents the act.

Recount! Recount!

In case you haven't heard, there's going to be a recount for the New Hampshire Primary.

Some of us right here at American Other suggested that there might have been something hinkey going on with New Hampshire, so we're pleased that officials will be reconsidering the ballots. Of course, if some sort of tampering or unfairness occurred in the first place, I have difficulty believing that it wouldn't happen with a recount as well.

Of course, this whole situation recalls the 2000 election, though there's a lot less at stake at the moment.*

I have no doubt that the election results will change in some way, though I doubt they will change much for Kucinich (who is instigating the recount with Republican Albert Howard--they fronted the $2,000 needed to start the process).

I think the recount will give Ron Paul a boost and, in fact, I find his primary results to be most suspicious. I also think that percentages will change for both Obama and Edwards and that Hillary Clinton will prove to have less support.

Why is Kucinich doing that? Clearly, his 1.4% won't be increasing to the levels that would make him a viable candidate. I think he has a few reasons:

• The Principle--Aren't you inherently skeptical of most polls? I know I am. Having a recount would give us another data set to consider. Of course, it'll probably just make me continue to distrust results, and I'll want another recount. If, however, the results are close enough, then maybe I'll have more faith in the act of election (though certainly not in the morons doing the electing!)
• Folk Heroism--If Kucinich's recount initiative uncovers some dirty laundry, he will gain my admiration. He might even gain my vote! Okay, since I've been considering electability in my voting (and apparently the large body of Obama and Clinton voters don't care about this and are willing to turn over the reigns to President Huckabee), I probably wouldn't go vote for Kucinich, but I'd certainly tell everyone how cool he is. Maybe I'll put a picture of him on my wall, next to all my Star Wars paraphernalia.
• Making Votes Count--Have all the voters had their votes counted? Kucinich wants some assurance.
  

What do you think will happen?

*Much is at stake in the election proper, but this is only the beginning. There is still time for America--and Edwards--to rise.

Rani Calls Richardson

Does anyone remember yesterday, when I predicted that Richardson would (a la Wilson-Phillips) "hold on for one more day"?

Well, some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. Until then, baby, are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry?

I was right! Richardson dropped out of the election today.

The Rapture Draws Nigh; Don't Bother to Wash Your Car

Foul sinners, the Reverend Gromit here. I am here to talk to you of a terrible, and wonderful, Prophecy of Doom. It is my favorite book of the Good Book(s): the Book of Revelation! You may be already cringing in horror right now which is good practice for the 1000 year rein of Beelzibub.

For you see, key politicians, such as Dick Cheney playing the role of the Anti-Christ, have been hurrying along the torturous firey reign of Satan. And yes, you will all have to wear 666 T-Shirts.

But fortunately for God's good buddies like myself, along with your endless punishment will be the Christian with a capital C Rapture. The Rapture, for those of you who will be fending off 7-headed dragons, is the day when my electric razor will be left by the sink MYSTERIOUSLY STILL RUNNING! With NO ONE SHAVING OR TURNING IT OFF! BUZZ BUZZ, SECULAR HUMANISTS! Not that I shave, but still, pretty spooky.

Yes, that fine day ye shall be "left behind" to battle the agents of Satan and perhaps be eaten by a friendly demon. Not me, though! I'm going--body and soul--straight to that great big Branson in the sky. While you cry the eternal tears of the damned, I'll be having Mai Tais with Billy Ray Cyrus, Lisa Welchel and of course Chuck Norris. And of course Mike "I only sinned once, and I was a baby" Huckabee will be playing bass in the all Christian Rock All-Star Band (not everything is perfect even in God's Heaven.)

Many of us, the LORDish, have been researching in the field of Rapturology trying to divine exactly when Ragnarok will occur. Ragnarok is, of course, when Jesus, Thor and Superman have a tag-team cage-match with Lucifer, Judas Priest and George Soros.

So shall I give to thee more good news, sons of Cain! There are several telling passages in the Book of Revelation that have recently come to fruition:

6: And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.

As you may recall, the great and mighty W never hurts the oil.

14: And didst the mighty she-wolf of Arkansas feed on the fish of sin.

I think we know who this is about.

18: Soon shall the stars fall down from the sky as the tree doth shake off its figs.

The writers' strike.

39: And wilst the jingoistic football team smite the sinful AFC East.

No idea what this means.

Taken together, even the youngest Hell-bound Buddist child can see that the end is nigh. I do feel sad that Michael Zebadiah Huckabee will never be President. For soon the LORD shall snatcheth him away. Huckabee will leave behind an unoccupied golf cart on the rolling fairways of Augusta.

Ron Paul will still be here, though. You'll pray for the lake of fire.

Everyone's a Comback Kid

No, seriously. In The Washington Post this morning, at least two people have been labeled "Comeback Kids": Hillary Clinton and John McCain. No doubt that after South Carolina, Edwards and Obama will become "Comeback Kids," as will Huckabee when he takes another state.

I'm not sure how far back this "Comeback Kid" business goes, but it's definitely a term that got applied to Clinton the first before the 1992 election. I think Bill gave himself the moniker after he lost to Paul Tsongas in the New Hampshire primary but wound up taking the state on election night--by a large percentage.* And this is why Hillary *isn't* the new "Comeback Kid."

Now, I'm not exactly sure what the people of New Hampshire were thinking, but clearly some of them must have been smoking the wacky tabacky last night when they went to the polls for Clinton. (Don't think Rani doesn't know what goes on at Hampshire College--or at Dartmouth for that matter.) But even though Clinton won the primary, it was hardly by a large percentage. In fact, CNN held off on projecting the winner because the primary was pretty close. This wasn't some Comeback Kid, large percentage victory.

Don't be fooled by these tactics being employed by the Hillary camp.

Hate to tell you, but Hillary really is a robot from a galaxy far, far away. After all the horrors of the past eight years, it's easy to imagine that the Clinton years were this halcyon time when we all rode horsies and unicorns through the puffy clouds. Not so.

Remember Hillary's failed health care policy?
Remember Black Hawk Down and Somalia?
Remember Whitewater?
Remember campaign-finance investigations?
Remember Don't Ask Don't Tell?
Remember the Federal Government Furlough (during which our President was getting a visit from Ol' Blue Dress's Presidential Kneepads--and no, they weren't playing volleyball)?
Remember when Billary claimed they'd be adopting a (special needs) child but conveniently changed their minds after the 1996 election?
Remember Vince Foster (murder or suicide, your guess is as good as mine)?
Remember Bosnia and exaggerated claims of genocide--sounds familiar, eh?
Remember that the Clinton administration brought us the extraordinary rendition used to torture "suspected terrorists" in Syrian black prisons today?

I mention these things because Hillary predicates her experience on her tenure as First Lady. And by all accounts, she wasn't some shrinking violet First Lady who picks out new draperies. She was running the show and telling her husband what to do.

First Lady Macbeth.

Well, I say, "Out, out damn Hillary."

*And by "taking," we might wonder if Bill finished himself off in a sink... as he is wont to do.

Why Are We Letting New Hampshire Decide the Fate of the Free World?

I know I'm not the first person to say this, but I have a "personal story" just like *sniff* Hillary "First Feeling Ever" Clinton.

When I was in college I knew exactly two women from New Hampshire. They did more whippits than anyone I have ever met. One of these girls was just kind of the unexamined life type that might vote for Hillary Clinton or John McCain. The other girl had a cottage cheese type brain which may or may not have been due entirely to whippits but I'm sure it didn't help. Tonight, these two women may be picking your president.

John McCain's bamboo-addled candidacy will undoubtedly wither in the weeks to come. He's 109 years young. But did New Hampshire voters really believe Hillary's "crying?" She didn't even cry! Sociopaths have no empathy.

But these morons in New Hampshire may have breathed new life into a woman who cannot win the presidency. These Democrats may have given the flat lining Republicans a new Dick Cheney-style pacemaker. Did you ever notice that New Hampshire looks kind of like a can of Reddi-Whip?

Rani picked the Repubs!

CNN projected McCain as the winner, with Romney in second, and Huckabee in third.

Edwards has been projected to come in third, with a tight race between Clinton and Obama. Clinton appears to be leading. Snarff has declared his intentions to commit seppuku.

Election drop-outs

We spend so much time on the top contenders here that I'd like to give a shout out to the less-successful candidates. To that end, here are my predictions on who will drop out and when.

Richardson: No stranger to snark from our blog, Richardson will hold on for one more day (in the words of Wilson Phillips).

Kucinich: He *should* drop out (aw, little Yoda) but I think he will never know when to quit and will soldier on until he flat out runs out of cash.

Gravel: Dropping out tonight, mark my words.

Rani's NH Predictions

Any guesses on what might happen tonight?

For the Repubs, I'm predicting: McCain, Romney, Huckabee. Buoyed by their NH stats, all three will stay in the race.

For the Dems, I'll say: Obama, Edwards, Clinton. All three will stay in as well.

First to Vote Dixville Notch in NH Hates Clinton

Check back in with American Other today for periodic updates on the New Hampshire Primary.

Nothing much going on at the moment, except for little Dixville Notch making their disdain for Clinton known. So it's not the most important news of the day, but it's early. Polls close at 8pm.

In the meantime, feel free to entertain yourself with the following video, in which Hillary pretends to be human. When asked how she does it, Hillary lowers her voice and speaks hesitantly, as if trying to convince voters that she really isn't the freaky robot that we know her to be. Note the melodramatic crack in her voice and the desperate attempt to blink some tears into her eyes. Boo hoo, Hill. Boo hoo.

Huckabee and Romney v. Satan

For the people will slay the golden yak of freedom, and bask in the warming light of security.
3 Corinthians 65:9

Hello Sinners, I am His Holiness the Most Reverend Gromit. I have been sent by the LORD to rid this blog of Satanic Leftists. I will cleanse all of the internets of this filth in the name of God's chosen prophet, "W".

Praise be to Gromit.

Last summer when Mike "Chugmaster" Huckabee, Mitt "Baseball Glove" Romney and I were scuba-diving in the Caymans, we shared many things. We shared bible verses, oversized cans of Japanese beer and we even shared a case of the clap we got from the same frightened street urchin.

But the most important thing we shared was their plans for America. And of course they shared confidential NSA data about Barack Saddam bin Laden al Qaeda...oops! Slip of the keyboard. I mean, of course, Senator Osama. I'll catapult the propaganda in a way that every great American with a GED can understand. The candidate's plans:

Defense of Marriage

Huckabee: Marriage is between one man and one woman (Just as Mary was married to Joseph...and God...bad example.)

Romney: Marriage is between one man and as many Thai girls as can fit in a FedEx pak. (Amen!)

Obama: Marriage is between one black man and your wife.

Immigration Reform

Huckabee: If they run, shoot 'em with a gun. If they put up their hands, also shoot 'em.

Romney: A sponsor of "The Moat": a mile-wide canal between the US of A and Mexico filled with dragons. (Not sure about where the dragons will come from but I like it.)

Obama: Rename the USA "Los Enchiladas Grandes."

The War with Iran

Huckabee: Bomb 'em.

Romney: Nuke 'em.

Obama: Not so fast--I have a summer house there!

Health Care

Huckabee: The only Health Care we need is the healing power of prayer. (Praise Jesus for Dr. Steinberg!)

Romney: The poor will be free to sell their organs on eBay. (Buy it now!)

Obama: Every town will be assigned a retired Soviet doctor and all private doctors will be reassigned to Guam.

So on Tuesday in New Hampshire, you know what to do: steal the election. Praise be to Gromit, Amen.

American Other Goes Bipartisan

If you've been worried that your views are not adequately being represented on American Other, fear not! We're being joined by a new blogger, the Reverend Gromit. I'm sure he'll tell you more about himself, but he will be bringing his extra-special Christian Right perspective to our blog!

Welcome, Reverend!

My Post-Debate Reprise

My god, he has a lot of chins.

The Rani and Snarff are on the debate coverage already, but I wanted to add my own bit in here, too.

So after watching the Dem debates, I went ahead and watched the Red debates, too (thanks, Comcast DVR!). There are some marked differences that I think should be pointed out.

The Republican debate seemed to focus a good bit on immigration, and Giuliani spent a fair bit of time touting his law enforcement background and how "amnesty for illegals" is bad. Last night he was a cop, and just the kind of cop you hate to get pulled over by. Everyone else pretty much pounced on his own record as mayor of New York, and how he basically gave amnesty...or maybe he didn't. But he sure looked nutty for a moment there.

At least two Republicans have conflated immigration with security (Giuliani and McCain). There's a lot of talk about the importance of "securing our borders" and "sealing our borders," which I think is kind of stupid--as if there's a giant tube of caulk out there that you can use to keep out the pesky Canadians who keep getting into the bathtup of the Great Lakes.

(The thing that is most obvious that no one talks about when it comes to border security is that everyone's focused on the Mexican border. There's not a lot of talk about the Canadian border, which presumably is just as porous, and just as insecure. But it's the Mexicans that scare the bejeezus out of the Republicans.)

Romney played the exact same kind of "I've brought change!" bullet point list that Hillary did later on, with not quite the same amount of fire or indignation. No one's eyebrows went up at all like they did when Hillary got riled up. Change! Everyone's for it, but I guess it's the denominations that are important, huh?

McCain's targetted Obama on his security background, and believes that "radical Islamist terrorism" is the primary threat faced by America. In fact, there's a lot of targetting Democrats on how weak they are, and how "creating timetables for withdrawal in a time of war" is tantamount to retreat, and therefore shameful.

Huckabee is the only one who even mentions anything positive about Obama, and rightly so: "He's touched on something that Americans want....He has excited voters in this country, let's pay respect for that. We better be careful as a party, because if we don't give people something to be for, and not just something to be against, we're going to lose this election."

Ron Paul jumped on that same wagon, to some degree, basically talking about the youthfulness of the ideas. He explores the differences a bit more, touting his own libertarian background. He still slams Obama for "not talking about income tax" and supporting a welfare state (which Obama actually did talk about in the Dem debate, so...uh...).

The topic of India and China as developing markets (and therefore as competitor consumers for oil) is kind of interesting for the candidate reactions. Ron Paul makes this all about oil. He makes an interesting point about the price of oil: that it was $27 a barrel when we went to Iraq, and now it's around $100, and this was supposed to be about "securing the oil" (it was?! WTF?! As if this particular bit of truth were not totally anathema just a year ago). McCain follows along on the oil topic, and talks about reducing dependence on foreign oil, but does not talk about ethanol and what a disaster it is. We're really moving astray from the topic, but no one seems to care. Thompson just reiterates the obvious, except he also suggest we use the oil reserves in this country (presumably, this means ANWR). He also suggest we "need the oil to flow" while we search for alternatives, which doesn't make any sense, but again, no one bites. Giuliani jumps on the same "ennumerate forms of alternate energy" train as everyone else, and throws in clean coal, wind, and nuclear.

Charlie points out that nuclear is an interesting topic in NH. Huckabee dodges that bullet and keeps on with how great innovation is. No one wants to say that oil companies' excessive profits getting taxed (the "windfall tax") is a good idea. Romney doesn't say anything new, either. Everyone says we need to invest in new forms of energy. No one seems to be thinking too clearly about it, though.

Romney and McCain hate each other the way Hillary and Obama hate each other. That's obvious. But...it kind of seems like no one cares. They had a pretty heated exchange when McCain somewhat sarcastically said Romney was a "real candidate of change," and Romney said the ad hominem attacks were unnecessary.

In fact, Stephanopolous pointed out in the post-debate dissection that none of the other candidates seem to like Romney very much, and that several of them went at it with him. Romney did force McCain to talk about immigration, which McCain was reluctant to do. And Giuliani clearly didn't mind letting Romney and McCain go at each other for a while.

The handshakes at the end of the Republican debate when they walked the Dems out and all the candidates shook hands and greeted each other were interesting to me, too. First, the audience loved it, and clapped the whole time that the candidates were on stage. Next, it's interesting to note who stopped where to talk:

Ron Paul sort of paired up with Richardson for a while.

• Obama hugged McCain like he meant it.
• McCain hugged Edwards like they were going to make out.
• Hillary didn't really linger with anyone, moving right down the line. She smiled biggest for McCain and paired up with him for a moment.
• Richardson kept it moving, but did seem to linger a while with Giuliani.
• The mics caught Hillary greeting Charlie rather warmly ("Hello, Charlie! How are you?") and his tepid response ("Hello there").

Stephanopoulous points out that the Clinton / Richardson relationship might not be as warm as it seems, because of some purported backroom deals between Richardson and Obama for Iowa. The relevant details are not explored any further, but George says that the Clintons are "livid" about it.

In-ter-est-ing.

Oh, and FYI, for those of you who were really focused on Iowa and Huckabee's "victory," keep in mind that Romney just won the Wyoming caucus. That race is far from over.

Also, I'm not sure what the MSM is up to, but I was really teed off by the implications during the Dem debate last night that "the surge has worked." Lest you think that, today's headlines should help set things straight:

• Shiite sheikh shot dead by gunmen in Baghdad neighborhood, officials
  say


• Ismaiel Abbas had been active in efforts to counter militia
  activity


• 16 people killed, 32 wounded in three separate bombings in Iraqi
  capital
  
  BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Three separate bombings killed at
  least 16 people Sunday, and gunmen shot to death a Shiite tribal sheikh active
  in an effort to counter militias in his northeastern Baghdad neighborhood, Iraqi
  officials said.

Uh, yeah, I'm going to plan my vacation to Baghdad immediately. Thank you, Surge!

On the Dem side, here's the tally:
Clinton 33%
Obama 33%
Edwards 20%
Richardson 4%
Kucinich 2%

And the Republicans' scorecard:
McCain 33%
Romney 27%
Giuliani 14%
Huckabee 11%

(all numbers courtesy of CNN.com)

Based on those preliminary numbers, an Obama / Edwards ticket makes quite a bit of sense. It'd be tough to beat, since both Edwards and Obama have some support on the other side of the aisle.

Finally, for those of you who'd be interested in making a trip to Denver, Aug 25-28 for some real political fun, let me know. I'm going to go. If ever there was a DNC to attend, this is it!

Edwards Still Has a Shot; But the Obama/Edwards Deal Has Been Brokered

I was asking Rani while watching the Iowa results when Obama was going to make the call. The one to Edwards saying, if I win this thing, you'll be my VP. And Edwards counters with if I make a comeback you can be mine. We'll lay off each other and bury Hillary in the debate. I was almost positive it would be made. Anybody with an ounce of credibility knows that Hillary is in the pocket of special interests. She's about business as usual. And though Edwards and Obama don't agree about everything they don't take money from special interests. They actually care about this country in the way that Hillary cares about power.

So they cut the deal, and Edwards dropped the hammer on Hill tonight. Edwards still has a shot in this election, but he's not going to sacrifice the country and the world by letting Hillary win. Neither would Obama.

When Hillary attacked them both, she must have known. She managed to draw it out early, and she had a blunt answer. Bill Richardson was clearly in Hillary's corner with his 2% at the caucuses. 29+2=31%. 30+38=68%. This isn't tough math.

So with Edwards' strong performance tonight he could pull an upset in New Hampshire. Or Obama might continue what he started in Iowa. The important thing to people who care about this country is that 68-31% advantage against the same old shit.

Plan B: The Vice-Presidency

I've seen some discussion lately about who's jockeying for VP position.

One credible individual theorized that Obama will go for a Wes Clark type, while Clinton would choose a Richardson type.

I have a feeling like no one will be picking Richardson. I'm just saying.

After watching tonight's debates, I remain convinced with my pick of an Obama-Edwards ticket. Of course, I'd prefer an Edwards-Obama ticket, but I'd accept it the other way round. They're speaking the same language, and I think it could be a really fruitful partnership--at least ideologically.

9:34 pm.

Wes Clark has endorsed Clinton, and I could see her picking up someone like him.

Dem Debate: Slam Book Style

Charlie Gibson asks, "What do you wish you hadn't said in a debate?"

Hillary: Waffles, no comment.

Richardson: Claimed to love a U.S. Supreme Court justice who opposed Roe v. Wade. Bo-oring.

Edwards: "I made a horrendous mistake of teasing Hillary about her jacket. And I want her to know--you look terrific tonight."

Obama: Lots of words, no substantial comment.

This pretty much sums up tonight's debate. Who do you think is the winner?

Charlie Gibson to candidates: Fear the Glasses on my GOP nose!

Just because you have glasses on your nose, doesn't mean you're Albus Dumbledore. Charlie Gibson is acting like he's Sam Donaldson and how he "covered Washington for a long time." Charlie--you hosted GOOD MORNING AMERICA for like 80 years! You are the guy interviewing Martha Stewart or Shaq or an iguana handler from the San Diego zoo. Shut the Hell up!

Newsflash: "I have feelings too!" -Hillary

Charlie Gibson notes that people like Obama better. Hillary replies, "Well, that hurts my feelings!" [Cue laughter.]

That's news to me! Feelings? From the woman who once noted that she pities unthinking emotion? Whose daughter once told her school chums that emotions are for the weak?

Richardson to Edwards: I'm drunk

Edwards: I'm going to bring troops home within a year.

Richardson: Unlike you, John. I'm going to bring home troops within a year. And I'm totally wasted on tequila worms and Miller Chill lime-flavored beer.

Richardson: I Will Stop Death!

Bill Richardson needs his hearing tested.

Saint John Edwards finished a coherent statement about ending the war in Iraq, outlining an immediate pull out of 40-50K troops and withdrawal of the rest with in 9-10 months. Richardson then responds, "John, you can't end the war without taking the troops out. As president, I will remove the troops within a year." Um, someone clearly wasn't paying attention!

Richardson continues on, noting that he flies his flag at half-mast each time he hears about a death. He adds, "I will stop that."

Yes, you heard it here first. Bill Richardson will stop death. Fear not the Grim Reaper coming for you, beloved reader. Richardson will ensure that you live forever.

Edwards: No Nukes! Hillary: I'm Gay

As in happy. Hillary is very, very...happy.

Edwards can now be the biggest leftist on stage without Kucinich and Gravel. God bless it! Why is Bill Richardson here, by the way?

Please Step Aside, Pervez

I'm watching the Dem Debate right now--after a horrible, crushing Redskins loss--and I'm struck by Bill Richardson's optimism.

Charlie Gibson asks what Richardson would do if there were credible evidence of Pakistani awfulness.

Richardson replies, "I would ask Musharraf to step aside."

Um, yeah, that'll work.

Elizabeth Declares John in Second Place

John Edwards gave a most awesome speech after the Iowa results. Ballsy Elizabeth Edwards declared second place for John, and it seems that her prognostication is coming to fruition.

As I listened to Edwards speaking, I realized that he is positioning himself for VP, and I think there might be some deal-brokering, phone calls, and horse trading between Edwards and Obama coming soon. I'll be interested to see how it plays out.

Meanwhile, I'm watching Hillary speaking, and she just seems so lackluster. In fact, she keeps jacking Edwards and Obama phrases and passing them off as her own with a very flat delivery. To make matters worse, she's framed on the right by Madeleine Albright and by Bill on the left. It's one of the ugliest sights ever to grace my television. This woman just has no charisma. To make matters worse, I'm reading this book, and it's really not improving my vision of Hillary. Neither is the mullet she appears to be sporting currently.

I ask again, "How does President Huckabee" sound?

CNN is now projecting Obama as Iowa Caucus winner.

Let me make it clear that if Obama wins the nomination, I will campaign for and vote for Obama. In fact, it does make me proud to know that we've finally gotten to the point where a black man can win the Iowa Caucus.

In the meantime, however, I'd really prefer that we come up with a nominee who could win a general election. The words "viable" and "electable" are coming up in regards to the Democratic nomination. What I'm not hearing, however, is "viable" and "electable" in a general election.

I firmly believe that the best way for Democrats to have a president is to find a Southerner who can pick up all those votes that are now going to go to Huckabee. Are all those Southern Baptists going to say, "Oooh, let's check out that Obama guy?" Doubtful. In fact, they'll probably start regretting that pesky 13th Amendment. Is there a small chance they might give John Edwards a second glance? Yes, I think so. After all, he isn't a Yankee.

If Obama gets the nomination, we're in for a few more Obama/Osama slips and sooner than you can blink, President Huckabee will be marching us back to Nazi Germany c. 1936 (thanks, Snarff).

How does President Huckabee sound?

I don't like it either.

Make it stop. Go vote for Edwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 8:59 EST.

Only three minutes ago, CNN projected Huckabee as the winner with only 15% reporting. I guess they're pretty certain, but it's so early.

EDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDS

We *can't* have eight more years of this crap.

What Would Jesus Barbecue?

This post started as a comment to Rani's previous post. So if you have not had the pleasure of reading it, do it now, then come back.

Jesus had a barbecue once. He only used two fish and five loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people. He probably served wine too. By my logic, that makes Jesus and Hilary Clinton one and the same. Going further, Mitt Romney said that Jesus and Satan were brothers (or something to that effect). In the mid 1990's, Republicans were calling Bill Clinton the devil, a.k.a. Satan. THEREFORE: If Bill really is Satan, that means he is the anti-Christ and doesn't the anti-Christ have to rise to power before Jesus returns? He has already risen (twice).

Lando's Conclusion: If anyone wants Armageddon and the Rapture, they should vote for Hilary Clinton. If, perhaps, you are a sinner and do not want me to be spirited to my maker, then these are your flawed choices.

The Sinners:

1. John Edwards: His blue-collar stories from the trial courtroom will make you sympathize with all of the blue-collar factory workers who now work in South Asia. At desks. In offices.

2. Barack Obama: He grew up in Hawaii (it wasn’t even American until 1959) and Indonesia. He’s wanted to be president since kindergarten (which is when he started school in Indonesia). So a guy who doesn’t really grow up in America with an exotic/non-American name wants to become president of the United States as soon as he moves to a majority Muslim country? He’s always going on about change too. The changes he foresees mean little black burqa nights at the club (read: the mosque) and prayer SIX times a day to show the Mecca who’s the boss.

The False Prophets:

1. Mitt Romney: Will do all he can to prohibit the things that make you feel good. Like drugs and coffee.

2. Mike Huckabee: His plan to curb the obesity epidemic includes a new regimen for weight loss and spiritual gain called prayercise. Think Jazzercise without the sin and church in a sauna.

3. Rudy Giuliani: He will scare you shitless until you realize that yes, you are a terrorist.

4. John McCain: I almost forgot him. He suffered so much during his tortuous stay at the Hanoi Hilton that he can't even fully bend and extend his right arm. Do you really want a commander in chief that can't salute the troops? I didn't think so.

So, you decide. Then stay on your couch because it's easier to watch the election on tv.

The Truth About the Election

You probably realize that I don't pull many punches. In that vein, I'm going to share something that I think of as each new election draws near. While some of us might be doing frantic calculations to determine who will be the next president, it all comes down to one thing: the BBQ factor.

When Americans go to the polls to pick a president, they're not thinking about taxes, foreign policy, or kindergarten transcripts. They're thinking, "Now which of these candidates would I want at my BBQ." Ideally, the president will arrive clad in a plaid shirt, grab a Pabst Blue Ribbon from the cooler, and sidle up to the grill to flip some meat with his buddies.

Now, do Americans really want Hillary at their BBQ? Just imagine--she'd show up, demand shiraz, and wrestle control from the host. Before you know it, she's thrown out the beef and pork in favor of more healthy chicken and fish. No condiments allowed either.

Will Obama be invited to the BBQ? Only for some post-BBQ lynching.

Giuliani? I'm not sure America will take too kindly to someone trying to work his Italian sausage into things.

Romney? Can you trust a man who won't drink a beer?

What it comes down to here is Huckabee and Edwards. Both electable. Both suitable for BBQ invites.

I'll take Edwards. After we grill our plethora of meats and ride around in the fluffy clouds and dazzling rainbows on our unicorns, we'll be handing out leftover meat to the poor.

Fool Me Twice: The Hillary Clinton Nightmare 3--The Final Chapter--President Huckabee

Or Giuliani...doesn't matter. Hillary Clinton in unelectable. A vote for Hillary is a vote for Huckabee and here's why:

According to a recent Zogby poll, Edwards and Obama beat (or in one case tie) every Republican candidate. Senator Hillary on the other hand would lose to EVERY MAJOR REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE including--brace yourself--Fred Thompson! This is with the least popular Republican administration in the history of time occupying the White House. This is with Hillary barely starting her "charming" angry paranoid meltdowns.



There's more: despite Hillary's effort to mimic Republican positions on everything save Abortion, Hillary is unbelievably hated amongst Republican voters. According to a USA Today poll, 84% of Republicans say they would never vote for her. The numbers for Obama and Edwards are in the 60% range.

And then there are the other "negatives." People that just can't stand Ms. Abrasive. 45% of all Americans would never vote for her. Compare this to Edwards' 31% and Obama's 30%. Men are especially high with a full 50% against Hillary no matter what.



Why do any Democrats support Hillary anyway? Some fondly remember the '92 Clinton victory but forget the Ross Perot 3rd-party good fortune that got him there with only 43% of the vote. Bill Clinton never had Hillary-like Negatives, and always had charm and an ability to connect with Americans that Hillary can't even approach.



Another reason she garners Dem support is what I like to call the "Dukakis Factor." Simply put, the Dukakis Factor is the Democratic Party's ability to pick the least electable candidates (president and vice president) possible for reasons that still baffle me. I think it starts in 1968 with Hubert Humphrey, then McGovern, with a break for Carter (who's 1980 victory was stolen by Reagan's "October Surprise.) Next Mondale and Ferraro, Dukakis, then Clinton another exception, followed by Gore (He wasn't very warm back then [maybe it's global warming] and let's not forget how many in the Democratic base still feel about Tipper's censorship crusade) and ol' Bloodthirsty Joe Lieberman. This ticket DID WIN of course but kept what should have been a landslide close enough to steal. Kerry ALSO WON, but was once again devoid of charisma and a landslide slid into another stolen election. Republicans like to win more than anything. Whereas Democrats, with a platform that benefits 95% of Americans, somehow figure out a way to lose.

While whatever fascist Repub plays to his base, Hillary plays to the Republican base that can't stand her. So vote for another Democrat, any Democrat. Or maybe just cast a vote in the Republican primary.

Hil is scared... And she should be...

Since I'm currently ill and confined to the bed, I'm mercy to my television. I think it's trying to tell me something. I was happily watching the Food Network and then it magically switched over to MSNBC. Guess I'm supposed to make a post.

We at American Other all take individual responsibility for our own presidential favorites. It's no secret that I'd like John Edwards to give me better health insurance, tuck me in and read me bedtime stories. Iowans, in the title of Spike Lee, Do the Right Thing.

(Chuck Norris is predicting a landslide for Huckabee, by the way. Life gets even more farcical than inside my head.)

ABC News is reporting, however, that the Clinton team is prepping for a massive spin campaign for when she does not capture the Iowans hearts. The article notes that there are plans to "declare success" even if Hil finishes in third place.

No!!!!!!!!

We've had eight years of declaring success when there's failure. Mission accomplished when mission ain't accomplished. Doublespeak and doublethink and the Thought Police. The last thing I want to see is a serious presidential candidate preparing to "declare success" for no reason.

Godspeed tomorrow, Iowans.

Iowa Cometh

Rani now has a sinus infection and is reportedly sleeping with a "lavendar warming sheep" on her head so I'll weigh in briefly: Iowa. Caucuses. These caucuses are going to give the go-nowhere candidates a chance to quit without looking like quitters. And it's going to pick a frontrunner with actual delegates instead of just polls and cash. I'm going to rank the field as to my prefered candidates from both parties (in one handy list!)

1. John Edwards: Every time I think about crappy health care, huge co-pays and prescriptions draining my bank account I think about JE (not to be confused with JC although don't forget Jesus liked the poor and healing people too). Yes we have a chance for a good solid Progressive and maybe we can make some *gasp* progress!


2. Dennis Kucinich: Just saw Star Wars III again on Skinimax. Kucinich IS Yoda. Pointy ears. Wise words. Sees a lot of spaceships. Short. Handy with a light saber. Friendly with Large, hairy women (we all know what's behind Yoda's "good relations" with the Wookies. He's a freak!)

3. Chris Dodd: He's a bit of a speed-talker which is a problem because Americans can be slow-understanders. A cool stand on the senate floor, he speaks fluent Spanish...not a bad guy.




4. Barack Obama: Oprah likes him. He also does have a lot in common with JFK. He's charismatic, inexperienced, risky electorally and either he doesn't have a lot of policy ideas or is playing everything close to the vest (I believe the second, frankly.) Unlike JFK he doesn't have a quip for every occasion and also he tends to use big words most Americans don't understand. But wouldn't that be a relief after W?

5. Mike Gravel: "Imagine you had a chance in hell..."

6. Bill Richardson: Folksy only goes so far.

7. Joe Biden: Annoying life-long political insider.

8. Ron Paul: No NAFTA, no war--great; guns--fine (after the Bush administration I'm kind of glad the country is well-armed and hard to take over)...the rest not so much

9. Hillary Rodham Clinton: A wolf in sheep's clothing on war, trade and corporate welfare but we could use some progressive judges

10. John McCain: At least he's anti-torture (sort-of)



11. Alan Keyes: Easy to put him here because he has no shot. And he was in Borat!

12. Fred Thompson: This dude is comatose.

13. Duncan Hunter: Who?

14. Mitt Romney: Awful candidate and he "saw the Patriots win the World Series." Not even the Patriots are THAT good.

15. Rudy Giuliani: Slimy criminal taking shit from 9/11 firefighters. Wish I believed in Hell.

16. Mike Huckabee: "When fascism comes to this country, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross." That's what Bush was wrapped in. This guy is a dangerous fundamentalist and is looking to become the Ayatollah of America. God help us all.