Monday, January 7, 2008

Huckabee and Romney v. Satan


For the people will slay the golden yak of freedom, and bask in the warming light of security.
3 Corinthians 65:9

Hello Sinners, I am His Holiness the Most Reverend Gromit. I have been sent by the LORD to rid this blog of Satanic Leftists. I will cleanse all of the internets of this filth in the name of God's chosen prophet, "W".

Praise be to Gromit.

Last summer when Mike "Chugmaster" Huckabee, Mitt "Baseball Glove" Romney and I were scuba-diving in the Caymans, we shared many things. We shared bible verses, oversized cans of Japanese beer and we even shared a case of the clap we got from the same frightened street urchin.

But the most important thing we shared was their plans for America. And of course they shared confidential NSA data about Barack Saddam bin Laden al Qaeda...oops! Slip of the keyboard. I mean, of course, Senator Osama. I'll catapult the propaganda in a way that every great American with a GED can understand. The candidate's plans:

Defense of Marriage

Huckabee: Marriage is between one man and one woman (Just as Mary was married to Joseph...and God...bad example.)

Romney: Marriage is between one man and as many Thai girls as can fit in a FedEx pak. (Amen!)

Obama: Marriage is between one black man and your wife.

Immigration Reform

Huckabee: If they run, shoot 'em with a gun. If they put up their hands, also shoot 'em.

Romney: A sponsor of "The Moat": a mile-wide canal between the US of A and Mexico filled with dragons. (Not sure about where the dragons will come from but I like it.)

Obama: Rename the USA "Los Enchiladas Grandes."

The War with Iran

Huckabee: Bomb 'em.

Romney: Nuke 'em.

Obama: Not so fast--I have a summer house there!

Health Care

Huckabee: The only Health Care we need is the healing power of prayer. (Praise Jesus for Dr. Steinberg!)

Romney: The poor will be free to sell their organs on eBay. (Buy it now!)

Obama: Every town will be assigned a retired Soviet doctor and all private doctors will be reassigned to Guam.

So on Tuesday in New Hampshire, you know what to do: steal the election. Praise be to Gromit, Amen.

American Other Goes Bipartisan

If you've been worried that your views are not adequately being represented on American Other, fear not! We're being joined by a new blogger, the Reverend Gromit. I'm sure he'll tell you more about himself, but he will be bringing his extra-special Christian Right perspective to our blog!

Welcome, Reverend!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

My Post-Debate Reprise

My god, he has a lot of chins.

The Rani and Snarff are on the debate coverage already, but I wanted to add my own bit in here, too.

So after watching the Dem debates, I went ahead and watched the Red debates, too (thanks, Comcast DVR!). There are some marked differences that I think should be pointed out.

The Republican debate seemed to focus a good bit on immigration, and Giuliani spent a fair bit of time touting his law enforcement background and how "amnesty for illegals" is bad. Last night he was a cop, and just the kind of cop you hate to get pulled over by. Everyone else pretty much pounced on his own record as mayor of New York, and how he basically gave amnesty...or maybe he didn't. But he sure looked nutty for a moment there.

At least two Republicans have conflated immigration with security (Giuliani and McCain). There's a lot of talk about the importance of "securing our borders" and "sealing our borders," which I think is kind of stupid--as if there's a giant tube of caulk out there that you can use to keep out the pesky Canadians who keep getting into the bathtup of the Great Lakes.

(The thing that is most obvious that no one talks about when it comes to border security is that everyone's focused on the Mexican border. There's not a lot of talk about the Canadian border, which presumably is just as porous, and just as insecure. But it's the Mexicans that scare the bejeezus out of the Republicans.)

Romney played the exact same kind of "I've brought change!" bullet point list that Hillary did later on, with not quite the same amount of fire or indignation. No one's eyebrows went up at all like they did when Hillary got riled up. Change! Everyone's for it, but I guess it's the denominations that are important, huh?

McCain's targetted Obama on his security background, and believes that "radical Islamist terrorism" is the primary threat faced by America. In fact, there's a lot of targetting Democrats on how weak they are, and how "creating timetables for withdrawal in a time of war" is tantamount to retreat, and therefore shameful.

Huckabee is the only one who even mentions anything positive about Obama, and rightly so: "He's touched on something that Americans want....He has excited voters in this country, let's pay respect for that. We better be careful as a party, because if we don't give people something to be for, and not just something to be against, we're going to lose this election."

Ron Paul jumped on that same wagon, to some degree, basically talking about the youthfulness of the ideas. He explores the differences a bit more, touting his own libertarian background. He still slams Obama for "not talking about income tax" and supporting a welfare state (which Obama actually did talk about in the Dem debate, so...uh...).

The topic of India and China as developing markets (and therefore as competitor consumers for oil) is kind of interesting for the candidate reactions. Ron Paul makes this all about oil. He makes an interesting point about the price of oil: that it was $27 a barrel when we went to Iraq, and now it's around $100, and this was supposed to be about "securing the oil" (it was?! WTF?! As if this particular bit of truth were not totally anathema just a year ago). McCain follows along on the oil topic, and talks about reducing dependence on foreign oil, but does not talk about ethanol and what a disaster it is. We're really moving astray from the topic, but no one seems to care. Thompson just reiterates the obvious, except he also suggest we use the oil reserves in this country (presumably, this means ANWR). He also suggest we "need the oil to flow" while we search for alternatives, which doesn't make any sense, but again, no one bites. Giuliani jumps on the same "ennumerate forms of alternate energy" train as everyone else, and throws in clean coal, wind, and nuclear.

Charlie points out that nuclear is an interesting topic in NH. Huckabee dodges that bullet and keeps on with how great innovation is. No one wants to say that oil companies' excessive profits getting taxed (the "windfall tax") is a good idea. Romney doesn't say anything new, either. Everyone says we need to invest in new forms of energy. No one seems to be thinking too clearly about it, though.

Romney and McCain hate each other the way Hillary and Obama hate each other. That's obvious. But...it kind of seems like no one cares. They had a pretty heated exchange when McCain somewhat sarcastically said Romney was a "real candidate of change," and Romney said the ad hominem attacks were unnecessary.

In fact, Stephanopolous pointed out in the post-debate dissection that none of the other candidates seem to like Romney very much, and that several of them went at it with him. Romney did force McCain to talk about immigration, which McCain was reluctant to do. And Giuliani clearly didn't mind letting Romney and McCain go at each other for a while.

The handshakes at the end of the Republican debate when they walked the Dems out and all the candidates shook hands and greeted each other were interesting to me, too. First, the audience loved it, and clapped the whole time that the candidates were on stage. Next, it's interesting to note who stopped where to talk:

Ron Paul sort of paired up with Richardson for a while.
  • Obama hugged McCain like he meant it.
  • McCain hugged Edwards like they were going to make out.
  • Hillary didn't really linger with anyone, moving right down the line. She smiled biggest for McCain and paired up with him for a moment.
  • Richardson kept it moving, but did seem to linger a while with Giuliani.
  • The mics caught Hillary greeting Charlie rather warmly ("Hello, Charlie! How are you?") and his tepid response ("Hello there").

Stephanopoulous points out that the Clinton / Richardson relationship might not be as warm as it seems, because of some purported backroom deals between Richardson and Obama for Iowa. The relevant details are not explored any further, but George says that the Clintons are "livid" about it.

In-ter-est-ing.

Oh, and FYI, for those of you who were really focused on Iowa and Huckabee's "victory," keep in mind that Romney just won the Wyoming caucus. That race is far from over.

Also, I'm not sure what the MSM is up to, but I was really teed off by the implications during the Dem debate last night that "the surge has worked." Lest you think that, today's headlines should help set things straight:

  • Shiite sheikh shot dead by gunmen in Baghdad neighborhood, officials
    say

    • Ismaiel Abbas had been active in efforts to counter militia
      activity

    • 16 people killed, 32 wounded in three separate bombings in Iraqi
      capital

      BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Three separate bombings killed at
      least 16 people Sunday, and gunmen shot to death a Shiite tribal sheikh active
      in an effort to counter militias in his northeastern Baghdad neighborhood, Iraqi
      officials said.

Uh, yeah, I'm going to plan my vacation to Baghdad immediately. Thank you, Surge!

On the Dem side, here's the tally:
Clinton 33%
Obama 33%
Edwards 20%
Richardson 4%
Kucinich 2%

And the Republicans' scorecard:
McCain 33%
Romney 27%
Giuliani 14%
Huckabee 11%

(all numbers courtesy of CNN.com)

Based on those preliminary numbers, an Obama / Edwards ticket makes quite a bit of sense. It'd be tough to beat, since both Edwards and Obama have some support on the other side of the aisle.

Finally, for those of you who'd be interested in making a trip to Denver, Aug 25-28 for some real political fun, let me know. I'm going to go. If ever there was a DNC to attend, this is it!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Edwards Still Has a Shot; But the Obama/Edwards Deal Has Been Brokered


I was asking Rani while watching the Iowa results when Obama was going to make the call. The one to Edwards saying, if I win this thing, you'll be my VP. And Edwards counters with if I make a comeback you can be mine. We'll lay off each other and bury Hillary in the debate. I was almost positive it would be made. Anybody with an ounce of credibility knows that Hillary is in the pocket of special interests. She's about business as usual. And though Edwards and Obama don't agree about everything they don't take money from special interests. They actually care about this country in the way that Hillary cares about power.

So they cut the deal, and Edwards dropped the hammer on Hill tonight. Edwards still has a shot in this election, but he's not going to sacrifice the country and the world by letting Hillary win. Neither would Obama.

When Hillary attacked them both, she must have known. She managed to draw it out early, and she had a blunt answer. Bill Richardson was clearly in Hillary's corner with his 2% at the caucuses. 29+2=31%. 30+38=68%. This isn't tough math.

So with Edwards' strong performance tonight he could pull an upset in New Hampshire. Or Obama might continue what he started in Iowa. The important thing to people who care about this country is that 68-31% advantage against the same old shit.

Plan B: The Vice-Presidency

I've seen some discussion lately about who's jockeying for VP position.

One credible individual theorized that Obama will go for a Wes Clark type, while Clinton would choose a Richardson type.

I have a feeling like no one will be picking Richardson. I'm just saying.

After watching tonight's debates, I remain convinced with my pick of an Obama-Edwards ticket. Of course, I'd prefer an Edwards-Obama ticket, but I'd accept it the other way round. They're speaking the same language, and I think it could be a really fruitful partnership--at least ideologically.

9:34 pm.

Wes Clark has endorsed Clinton, and I could see her picking up someone like him.

Dem Debate: Slam Book Style

Charlie Gibson asks, "What do you wish you hadn't said in a debate?"

Hillary: Waffles, no comment.

Richardson: Claimed to love a U.S. Supreme Court justice who opposed Roe v. Wade. Bo-oring.

Edwards: "I made a horrendous mistake of teasing Hillary about her jacket. And I want her to know--you look terrific tonight."

Obama: Lots of words, no substantial comment.

This pretty much sums up tonight's debate. Who do you think is the winner?

Charlie Gibson to candidates: Fear the Glasses on my GOP nose!

Just because you have glasses on your nose, doesn't mean you're Albus Dumbledore. Charlie Gibson is acting like he's Sam Donaldson and how he "covered Washington for a long time." Charlie--you hosted GOOD MORNING AMERICA for like 80 years! You are the guy interviewing Martha Stewart or Shaq or an iguana handler from the San Diego zoo. Shut the Hell up!

Newsflash: "I have feelings too!" -Hillary

Charlie Gibson notes that people like Obama better. Hillary replies, "Well, that hurts my feelings!" [Cue laughter.]

That's news to me! Feelings? From the woman who once noted that she pities unthinking emotion? Whose daughter once told her school chums that emotions are for the weak?

Richardson to Edwards: I'm drunk


Edwards: I'm going to bring troops home within a year.

Richardson: Unlike you, John. I'm going to bring home troops within a year. And I'm totally wasted on tequila worms and Miller Chill lime-flavored beer.

Richardson: I Will Stop Death!

Bill Richardson needs his hearing tested.

Saint John Edwards finished a coherent statement about ending the war in Iraq, outlining an immediate pull out of 40-50K troops and withdrawal of the rest with in 9-10 months. Richardson then responds, "John, you can't end the war without taking the troops out. As president, I will remove the troops within a year." Um, someone clearly wasn't paying attention!

Richardson continues on, noting that he flies his flag at half-mast each time he hears about a death. He adds, "I will stop that."

Yes, you heard it here first. Bill Richardson will stop death. Fear not the Grim Reaper coming for you, beloved reader. Richardson will ensure that you live forever.