Iowa Cometh

Rani now has a sinus infection and is reportedly sleeping with a "lavendar warming sheep" on her head so I'll weigh in briefly: Iowa. Caucuses. These caucuses are going to give the go-nowhere candidates a chance to quit without looking like quitters. And it's going to pick a frontrunner with actual delegates instead of just polls and cash. I'm going to rank the field as to my prefered candidates from both parties (in one handy list!)

1. John Edwards: Every time I think about crappy health care, huge co-pays and prescriptions draining my bank account I think about JE (not to be confused with JC although don't forget Jesus liked the poor and healing people too). Yes we have a chance for a good solid Progressive and maybe we can make some *gasp* progress!


2. Dennis Kucinich: Just saw Star Wars III again on Skinimax. Kucinich IS Yoda. Pointy ears. Wise words. Sees a lot of spaceships. Short. Handy with a light saber. Friendly with Large, hairy women (we all know what's behind Yoda's "good relations" with the Wookies. He's a freak!)

3. Chris Dodd: He's a bit of a speed-talker which is a problem because Americans can be slow-understanders. A cool stand on the senate floor, he speaks fluent Spanish...not a bad guy.




4. Barack Obama: Oprah likes him. He also does have a lot in common with JFK. He's charismatic, inexperienced, risky electorally and either he doesn't have a lot of policy ideas or is playing everything close to the vest (I believe the second, frankly.) Unlike JFK he doesn't have a quip for every occasion and also he tends to use big words most Americans don't understand. But wouldn't that be a relief after W?

5. Mike Gravel: "Imagine you had a chance in hell..."

6. Bill Richardson: Folksy only goes so far.

7. Joe Biden: Annoying life-long political insider.

8. Ron Paul: No NAFTA, no war--great; guns--fine (after the Bush administration I'm kind of glad the country is well-armed and hard to take over)...the rest not so much

9. Hillary Rodham Clinton: A wolf in sheep's clothing on war, trade and corporate welfare but we could use some progressive judges

10. John McCain: At least he's anti-torture (sort-of)



11. Alan Keyes: Easy to put him here because he has no shot. And he was in Borat!

12. Fred Thompson: This dude is comatose.

13. Duncan Hunter: Who?

14. Mitt Romney: Awful candidate and he "saw the Patriots win the World Series." Not even the Patriots are THAT good.

15. Rudy Giuliani: Slimy criminal taking shit from 9/11 firefighters. Wish I believed in Hell.

16. Mike Huckabee: "When fascism comes to this country, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross." That's what Bush was wrapped in. This guy is a dangerous fundamentalist and is looking to become the Ayatollah of America. God help us all.