Baseketball: Here I am, mildly hamstrung by an aching wrist--but after the Mitchell Report, my doctor refuses to do anything about it. How the not-so-mighty have fallen. Don't you remember when George Mitchell was doing IRA/Northern Ireland peace talks? I once had a classmate who claimed George Mitchell was her father. He wasn't. I should have realized this, since "Mitchell" wasn't her surname, but I was trying not to be judgmental. Bad idea.Halliburton Land: I still haven't seen much coverage of the Halliburton rape case. Yes, there are now 730 Google News hits, but I haven't really seen it in any of the major locales. (No, The Kansas Record isn't what I have in mind). Get it together, major news media outlets! Hillary Clinton, I saw at one point, has called for a probe into the case. Good one Hillary. You were probably guarding the shipping crate and withholding the cell phone.
Primary School: Straight outta Des Moines, Mike Huckabee tells Elizabeth Edwards that Des Moines Register debates are dull ("It's boring") and everyone with half a brain cell declares John Edwards the winner of the debate. And how could you not? He has got all the charm of Jimmy Carter minus the October Surprise. He won't get down and dirty in various Obama-Clinton debacles. While they are playing playground politics, Edwards is busy saving puppies and helping old ladies cross the street.
The Cold Truth: I'm just going to say it. Don't go to the primaries electing people on whim or novelty. There's too much "Ooooh! A woman!" and "Oooooh! An African American!" going on. Look at the big picture. Think about who might win a general election. Think about all those people who aren't like you, who think electing anyone other than a white Christian man goes against God's (and Chuck Norris') law. Come time for the national election, when they're hesitating between Mitt "I Wear Magical Undies" Romney and Hillary Clinton, who are they going to pick? When they are forced to choose between Mike "I Love Chuck" Huckabee and Barack Obama, what are they going to do?
Quite frankly, I'm fed up with the Lil' Dems a lot of the time, but they're infinitely preferable to the Lil' Repubs. Let's think about our latest Lil' Dem Presidents: Lil' Bill, Lil' Jimmy Carter, Lil' Lyndon Johnson. White. Southern. Men. Lil' John Edwards. White. Southern. Man.
If we hadn't just endured eight years from hell, courtesy of Dubya, I'd probably be voting for Lil' Barack. But it's been bad, kids. Really bad. In my hunt for an electable candidate, I stumbled over Lil' John Edwards, and I realized that he's more of what I was looking for anyway.
And the man drives a gold Dodge Caravan. I know this because Snarff and I were at an event once and, when we left, wound up on Massachusetts Avenue behind Lil' John Edwards. I began to wave crazily out the car window, and he waved back.
