Edwards: No Nukes! Hillary: I'm Gay

As in happy. Hillary is very, very...happy.

Edwards can now be the biggest leftist on stage without Kucinich and Gravel. God bless it! Why is Bill Richardson here, by the way?

NORAD and Santa

So I'm watching Monday Night Football. And amid the traditional holiday crap (group shots of the MNF crew, Xmas bumper muzak, etc.) Mike Tirico sincerely announces that NORAD (whose primary function is to track incoming nukes) is "tracking Santa." Then I talked with Rani on the phone and she also had heard the NORAD tracking Santa announcement on another station. This is hardly surprising, TV and NORAD have been doing this since I was a kid (the Reagan years, of course.) But before tonight I never realized how emblematic of the sickness of American culture this is. It's like a 7-layer burrito of dysfunction.

Now call me Scrooge (a good tale of populism, btw), but I decided this year that if I were to have kids someday (due to some birth control malfunction no doubt) I wouldn't feed them the old Santa Claus bullshit. If I'm going to buy my kids the latest gaming system, I don't want them thanking an imaginary pedophile.

Instead of:"Be good kids, Santa can see you and then no toys."
It'll be: "Beer me, Junior, or I'm selling your PS9 on eBay."
Much Better.

Besides, when the polar ice caps melt, then what?

"Santa's gonna drown dad!"
"It's because you forgot to say your prayers, kids."

But in the meantime, as a single American who has yet to father any future National Guardsmen for World War V, I have to listen to TV tell me that NORAD is tracking Santa Claus every fucking year. Thoughts that come to mind:

1. I live in DC. How can Santa deliver toys to DC without violating the White House Airspace? Will there be another crater in Pennsylvania? The hero elves of Santa Sleigh 93 attacked and killed the bearded terrorist Santa Al Clauz. They beat him to death with Bratz dolls.

2. Why do we have to be reminded of impending Nuclear Annihilation every Xmas Eve?

3.Wouldn't this be the perfect time for North Korea to squeeze off an ICBM at us over the North Pole?

What kid knows what NORAD is anyway? Is this when every kid turns around to his 50s pipe-smoking dad and asks, "Hey dad, what the hell is NORAD, and why is it tracking Santa Claus?" That's when most of American dads say, "Shut up, I'm trying to watch the game." But those who actually know the answer to the question will probably be inspired in a Jingoistic Xmas frenzy to say, "Those are the good people who live in a mountain with all the keys to the Nukes. If two guys both turn some keys, we all die. Then we get to see Grandpa."

Thank you Military Industrial Complex for somehow creeping onto EVERY LIVE BROADCAST ON CHRISTMAS EVE to talk about the extinction of the human race. And if you're a poor kid, you wake up the next morning to some "Toys for Tots" Marines handing you a GI Joe action figure. Jesus would be psyched!

Good thing NORAD sounds about as believable to a kid as Santa Claus does. Kid:"Let me get this straight--there's some guys who live under a mountain who spend their time tracking a fictional character. Sounds like a Dungeons 'n' Dragons club."

Now THAT sounds scary.

Fool Me Twice: The Hillary Clinton Nightmare--Part 1--Endless War

Snarff here. Rani is doing the Xmas thing. I'm part of Bill-O's war on Christmas, so I'm going to throw some posts your way.

Our experience should have shown us the danger in trusting this Administration as it marched to war. That is why I and many of my colleagues -- at least many of those who bothered to vote -- opposed the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment. Unfortunately, Senator Clinton instead chose to lend credence to the Administration's position...It's easy to say 'fool me once, shame on George Bush,' but when she's been fooled twice, shame on her.
--Senator Christopher Dodd



As courageous as Chris Dodd has been these days (except for funding the war again), I have to disagree with him. Senator Hillary Clinton is the one trying to fool America twice, which is why any Democrat (and perhaps even the anti-war *gag* Repub Ron Paul) would be a decidedly better president.

While Senator Clinton mounts racist attacks against Senator Obama, (that drug dealer thing that would make George H.W. proud) she claims to be a helpless woman being attacked by misogynists.

Clinton touts her "experience" in her husband's administration, but asks us to forget her failure in her signature project (with a Democratic Congress no less)--Health Care reform. Oh, and then the Clintons helped to lose congress for 12 years and keep Rush flush with Oxycontin. Don't forget NAFTA--we all hear the "giant sucking sound" now. (Ross Perot had those great big ears so he heard it first.)

Progressives look forward to another Clinton administration like they look forward to open-heart surgery.

This first post will focus on perhaps the most dangerous aspect of Clinton's candidacy: her thirst for war.

I take responsibility for my vote. It was a sincere vote based on the facts and assurances we had at the time. Obviously, I would not vote that way again if we knew then what we know now.
Sen. Clinton on 2002 Iraq War authorization.

Except she did. Clinton voted for the Kyl-Lieberman amendment to "...designate the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps as a foreign terrorist organization." What exactly is the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps? Is it a rag tag band of terrorists doing the hand-over -hand bars at an Al Qaeda "camp?" No it's actually the largest branch of the Iranian Army, currently over 400,000 strong. This is more than double the number of US troops in Iraq. In time of war, the IRGC reportedly can swell to 11 million. So it's no wonder that Senator Jim Webb called the bill "Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream" and "...tantamount to a declaration of war." Senator Clinton is all too comfortable with war.

Not only does Hillary refuse to apologize for her vote to attack Iran, she believes the NIE "vindicates" her approval of the Iran war. Sound familiar? This is the same patented up-is-down doublespeak the Bush administration trotted out after the NIE. Here's what Hillary was saying about Iran in September: "The Revolutionary Guards are deeply involved in Iran’s nuclear program." Doesn't sound like vindication to me. But it does sound like Hillary circa 2003: "It is clear ... that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons." Hillary Clinton: a mouthpiece for NeoCons everywhere.

Hillary is also committed to being in Iraq indefinitely. Even with nearly 4,000 dead US Soldiers and an Iraqi death toll tantamount to genocide, Sen. Clinton wants a permanent presence in Iraq. Apparently Big Oil money isn't red or blue, it's green like the rest of Hillary's special interest cash. Sen. Clinton shows the same callous disregard for human life that W has. As the remainder of the Democratic field promises to be out of Iraq in a year, Hillary Clinton betrays America yet again.

Should Hillary be elected she would be the first woman president. She may also be the first woman President to be tried for war crimes.

We need to use every tool at our disposal, including...the threat and use of military force.
Sen. Clinton "talking tough" about Iran at AIPAC (American Israel Public Affairs Committee) dinner; 1/31/07

Shades of the Terror Alert System

Back in the day, my childhood cartoons were interrupted by tests of the Emergency Broadcast System (this is only the test). I haven't seen one of those in a long time, but who needs it when we have 24-hour news networks, especially when these networks proudly bring us our Terror Colors. Call it what you will: Terror Alert, Color War, Presidential Approval Rating Meter, or Homeland Security Threat Advisory Level. What remains at the heart of this nifty graphic is the fact that the Bush Administration has created a pint-sized interpellation system meant to inspire our loyalty to the State Apparatus.

And this little system is what came to mind when I read the following GIGANTIC headline on The Washington Post homepage: "IRAN IS MAJOR THREAT TO GULF, SAYS GATES." Gates--that's Bobbo not Bill--kindly informs us that Iran might restart its nuclear weapons program AT ANY TIME. Thus, we need CONSTANT VIGILANCE! (Okay, no, he wasn't quoting Professor Mad-Eye Moody. But he could have done.)

By "MAJOR THREAT," I think he means "Islamic State." "AT ANY TIME" means Iran might have a nuke in three years were it to restart the weapons program right now. How unsurprising that this alarmist announcement comes right on the heels of the NIE report on Iran. And judging by the poll in the righthand column, I know what most of you think about that particular piece of news.

While the U.S. government is running around complaining about Iran having nukes, why aren't they worrying about.... say.... Israel? Pakistan? Or, better yet, themselves. In recent years, the United States has shown itself as criminally disingenuous. No doubt it's always been that way, but its revelation on the global stage has been nothing short of embarrassing.

Excuse me while I go renew my recently-expired British passport. I'm taking suggestions for places in the EU where I might take refuge.