Edwards: No Nukes! Hillary: I'm Gay

As in happy. Hillary is very, very...happy.

Edwards can now be the biggest leftist on stage without Kucinich and Gravel. God bless it! Why is Bill Richardson here, by the way?

Please Step Aside, Pervez

I'm watching the Dem Debate right now--after a horrible, crushing Redskins loss--and I'm struck by Bill Richardson's optimism.

Charlie Gibson asks what Richardson would do if there were credible evidence of Pakistani awfulness.

Richardson replies, "I would ask Musharraf to step aside."

Um, yeah, that'll work.

Elizabeth Declares John in Second Place

John Edwards gave a most awesome speech after the Iowa results. Ballsy Elizabeth Edwards declared second place for John, and it seems that her prognostication is coming to fruition.

As I listened to Edwards speaking, I realized that he is positioning himself for VP, and I think there might be some deal-brokering, phone calls, and horse trading between Edwards and Obama coming soon. I'll be interested to see how it plays out.

Meanwhile, I'm watching Hillary speaking, and she just seems so lackluster. In fact, she keeps jacking Edwards and Obama phrases and passing them off as her own with a very flat delivery. To make matters worse, she's framed on the right by Madeleine Albright and by Bill on the left. It's one of the ugliest sights ever to grace my television. This woman just has no charisma. To make matters worse, I'm reading this book, and it's really not improving my vision of Hillary. Neither is the mullet she appears to be sporting currently.

I ask again, "How does President Huckabee" sound?

CNN is now projecting Obama as Iowa Caucus winner.

Let me make it clear that if Obama wins the nomination, I will campaign for and vote for Obama. In fact, it does make me proud to know that we've finally gotten to the point where a black man can win the Iowa Caucus.

In the meantime, however, I'd really prefer that we come up with a nominee who could win a general election. The words "viable" and "electable" are coming up in regards to the Democratic nomination. What I'm not hearing, however, is "viable" and "electable" in a general election.

I firmly believe that the best way for Democrats to have a president is to find a Southerner who can pick up all those votes that are now going to go to Huckabee. Are all those Southern Baptists going to say, "Oooh, let's check out that Obama guy?" Doubtful. In fact, they'll probably start regretting that pesky 13th Amendment. Is there a small chance they might give John Edwards a second glance? Yes, I think so. After all, he isn't a Yankee.

If Obama gets the nomination, we're in for a few more Obama/Osama slips and sooner than you can blink, President Huckabee will be marching us back to Nazi Germany c. 1936 (thanks, Snarff).

How does President Huckabee sound?

I don't like it either.

Make it stop. Go vote for Edwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 8:59 EST.

Only three minutes ago, CNN projected Huckabee as the winner with only 15% reporting. I guess they're pretty certain, but it's so early.

EDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDSEDWARDS

We *can't* have eight more years of this crap.

What Would Jesus Barbecue?

This post started as a comment to Rani's previous post. So if you have not had the pleasure of reading it, do it now, then come back.

Jesus had a barbecue once. He only used two fish and five loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people. He probably served wine too. By my logic, that makes Jesus and Hilary Clinton one and the same. Going further, Mitt Romney said that Jesus and Satan were brothers (or something to that effect). In the mid 1990's, Republicans were calling Bill Clinton the devil, a.k.a. Satan. THEREFORE: If Bill really is Satan, that means he is the anti-Christ and doesn't the anti-Christ have to rise to power before Jesus returns? He has already risen (twice).

Lando's Conclusion: If anyone wants Armageddon and the Rapture, they should vote for Hilary Clinton. If, perhaps, you are a sinner and do not want me to be spirited to my maker, then these are your flawed choices.

The Sinners:

1. John Edwards: His blue-collar stories from the trial courtroom will make you sympathize with all of the blue-collar factory workers who now work in South Asia. At desks. In offices.

2. Barack Obama: He grew up in Hawaii (it wasn’t even American until 1959) and Indonesia. He’s wanted to be president since kindergarten (which is when he started school in Indonesia). So a guy who doesn’t really grow up in America with an exotic/non-American name wants to become president of the United States as soon as he moves to a majority Muslim country? He’s always going on about change too. The changes he foresees mean little black burqa nights at the club (read: the mosque) and prayer SIX times a day to show the Mecca who’s the boss.

The False Prophets:

1. Mitt Romney: Will do all he can to prohibit the things that make you feel good. Like drugs and coffee.

2. Mike Huckabee: His plan to curb the obesity epidemic includes a new regimen for weight loss and spiritual gain called prayercise. Think Jazzercise without the sin and church in a sauna.

3. Rudy Giuliani: He will scare you shitless until you realize that yes, you are a terrorist.

4. John McCain: I almost forgot him. He suffered so much during his tortuous stay at the Hanoi Hilton that he can't even fully bend and extend his right arm. Do you really want a commander in chief that can't salute the troops? I didn't think so.

So, you decide. Then stay on your couch because it's easier to watch the election on tv.

The Truth About the Election

You probably realize that I don't pull many punches. In that vein, I'm going to share something that I think of as each new election draws near. While some of us might be doing frantic calculations to determine who will be the next president, it all comes down to one thing: the BBQ factor.

When Americans go to the polls to pick a president, they're not thinking about taxes, foreign policy, or kindergarten transcripts. They're thinking, "Now which of these candidates would I want at my BBQ." Ideally, the president will arrive clad in a plaid shirt, grab a Pabst Blue Ribbon from the cooler, and sidle up to the grill to flip some meat with his buddies.

Now, do Americans really want Hillary at their BBQ? Just imagine--she'd show up, demand shiraz, and wrestle control from the host. Before you know it, she's thrown out the beef and pork in favor of more healthy chicken and fish. No condiments allowed either.

Will Obama be invited to the BBQ? Only for some post-BBQ lynching.

Giuliani? I'm not sure America will take too kindly to someone trying to work his Italian sausage into things.

Romney? Can you trust a man who won't drink a beer?

What it comes down to here is Huckabee and Edwards. Both electable. Both suitable for BBQ invites.

I'll take Edwards. After we grill our plethora of meats and ride around in the fluffy clouds and dazzling rainbows on our unicorns, we'll be handing out leftover meat to the poor.

Fool Me Twice: The Hillary Clinton Nightmare 3--The Final Chapter--President Huckabee

Or Giuliani...doesn't matter. Hillary Clinton in unelectable. A vote for Hillary is a vote for Huckabee and here's why:

According to a recent Zogby poll, Edwards and Obama beat (or in one case tie) every Republican candidate. Senator Hillary on the other hand would lose to EVERY MAJOR REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE including--brace yourself--Fred Thompson! This is with the least popular Republican administration in the history of time occupying the White House. This is with Hillary barely starting her "charming" angry paranoid meltdowns.



There's more: despite Hillary's effort to mimic Republican positions on everything save Abortion, Hillary is unbelievably hated amongst Republican voters. According to a USA Today poll, 84% of Republicans say they would never vote for her. The numbers for Obama and Edwards are in the 60% range.

And then there are the other "negatives." People that just can't stand Ms. Abrasive. 45% of all Americans would never vote for her. Compare this to Edwards' 31% and Obama's 30%. Men are especially high with a full 50% against Hillary no matter what.



Why do any Democrats support Hillary anyway? Some fondly remember the '92 Clinton victory but forget the Ross Perot 3rd-party good fortune that got him there with only 43% of the vote. Bill Clinton never had Hillary-like Negatives, and always had charm and an ability to connect with Americans that Hillary can't even approach.



Another reason she garners Dem support is what I like to call the "Dukakis Factor." Simply put, the Dukakis Factor is the Democratic Party's ability to pick the least electable candidates (president and vice president) possible for reasons that still baffle me. I think it starts in 1968 with Hubert Humphrey, then McGovern, with a break for Carter (who's 1980 victory was stolen by Reagan's "October Surprise.) Next Mondale and Ferraro, Dukakis, then Clinton another exception, followed by Gore (He wasn't very warm back then [maybe it's global warming] and let's not forget how many in the Democratic base still feel about Tipper's censorship crusade) and ol' Bloodthirsty Joe Lieberman. This ticket DID WIN of course but kept what should have been a landslide close enough to steal. Kerry ALSO WON, but was once again devoid of charisma and a landslide slid into another stolen election. Republicans like to win more than anything. Whereas Democrats, with a platform that benefits 95% of Americans, somehow figure out a way to lose.

While whatever fascist Repub plays to his base, Hillary plays to the Republican base that can't stand her. So vote for another Democrat, any Democrat. Or maybe just cast a vote in the Republican primary.

Hil is scared... And she should be...

Since I'm currently ill and confined to the bed, I'm mercy to my television. I think it's trying to tell me something. I was happily watching the Food Network and then it magically switched over to MSNBC. Guess I'm supposed to make a post.

We at American Other all take individual responsibility for our own presidential favorites. It's no secret that I'd like John Edwards to give me better health insurance, tuck me in and read me bedtime stories. Iowans, in the title of Spike Lee, Do the Right Thing.

(Chuck Norris is predicting a landslide for Huckabee, by the way. Life gets even more farcical than inside my head.)

ABC News is reporting, however, that the Clinton team is prepping for a massive spin campaign for when she does not capture the Iowans hearts. The article notes that there are plans to "declare success" even if Hil finishes in third place.

No!!!!!!!!

We've had eight years of declaring success when there's failure. Mission accomplished when mission ain't accomplished. Doublespeak and doublethink and the Thought Police. The last thing I want to see is a serious presidential candidate preparing to "declare success" for no reason.

Godspeed tomorrow, Iowans.

Iowa Cometh

Rani now has a sinus infection and is reportedly sleeping with a "lavendar warming sheep" on her head so I'll weigh in briefly: Iowa. Caucuses. These caucuses are going to give the go-nowhere candidates a chance to quit without looking like quitters. And it's going to pick a frontrunner with actual delegates instead of just polls and cash. I'm going to rank the field as to my prefered candidates from both parties (in one handy list!)

1. John Edwards: Every time I think about crappy health care, huge co-pays and prescriptions draining my bank account I think about JE (not to be confused with JC although don't forget Jesus liked the poor and healing people too). Yes we have a chance for a good solid Progressive and maybe we can make some *gasp* progress!


2. Dennis Kucinich: Just saw Star Wars III again on Skinimax. Kucinich IS Yoda. Pointy ears. Wise words. Sees a lot of spaceships. Short. Handy with a light saber. Friendly with Large, hairy women (we all know what's behind Yoda's "good relations" with the Wookies. He's a freak!)

3. Chris Dodd: He's a bit of a speed-talker which is a problem because Americans can be slow-understanders. A cool stand on the senate floor, he speaks fluent Spanish...not a bad guy.




4. Barack Obama: Oprah likes him. He also does have a lot in common with JFK. He's charismatic, inexperienced, risky electorally and either he doesn't have a lot of policy ideas or is playing everything close to the vest (I believe the second, frankly.) Unlike JFK he doesn't have a quip for every occasion and also he tends to use big words most Americans don't understand. But wouldn't that be a relief after W?

5. Mike Gravel: "Imagine you had a chance in hell..."

6. Bill Richardson: Folksy only goes so far.

7. Joe Biden: Annoying life-long political insider.

8. Ron Paul: No NAFTA, no war--great; guns--fine (after the Bush administration I'm kind of glad the country is well-armed and hard to take over)...the rest not so much

9. Hillary Rodham Clinton: A wolf in sheep's clothing on war, trade and corporate welfare but we could use some progressive judges

10. John McCain: At least he's anti-torture (sort-of)



11. Alan Keyes: Easy to put him here because he has no shot. And he was in Borat!

12. Fred Thompson: This dude is comatose.

13. Duncan Hunter: Who?

14. Mitt Romney: Awful candidate and he "saw the Patriots win the World Series." Not even the Patriots are THAT good.

15. Rudy Giuliani: Slimy criminal taking shit from 9/11 firefighters. Wish I believed in Hell.

16. Mike Huckabee: "When fascism comes to this country, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross." That's what Bush was wrapped in. This guy is a dangerous fundamentalist and is looking to become the Ayatollah of America. God help us all.