Should Obama Thank W?

Disclaimer: I voted for Obama yesterday as did nearly everyone in DC, MD and VA.
I think W should be tried and convicted of treason for too many reasons to list here.

BUT...there are at least two important favors that Bush did for Barack. The first, and more readily apparent, is to run this country into the ground, big time.

Four years ago, a "black" (and I won't say African-American here because it is an imprecise term for a man who had an African father and white mother) president was commonly believed to have no shot, even as Al Sharpton and Alan Keyes ran. People assumed a black candidate was an "issues" candidate, and a nice story, but not a credible choice for his party's nominee. Now I'll grant you, Barack Obama is several cuts above Sharpton experience-wise and Alan Keyes is just a self-hating nut job. But in the intervening years Bush really went into high gear destroying America.

Now in 2008, 9 trillion in debt, the Bill of Rights burned to a crisp, and the blood of 4,000 dead American soldiers and 700,000+ dead Iraqis on our hands, people are pissed off. 70%+ of Americans look at Bush's smirking mug and get sick. Americans want a president that is as different as possible. Obama isn't in the pocket of lobbyists and special interests. He's a straight shooter with a consistent anti-war position.

And he's not a white guy. An American who's been trampled on by the rich, white, old boy network represented by the Bush family is ready for someone who isn't a white guy. To paraphrase Bill Clinton, we'll, "roll the dice" with a black guy with a weird last name because we know the white people are going to screw everyone.

The second favor Bush did for Obama was by placing black folks in unprecidented positions of power. How can the Repubs effectively imply that black people aren't ready for "scary terrorism" when the two people in charge of stopping "scary terrorism" for the past eight years were both black? That's right, Powell and Rice have been W's Secretaries of State, his point people for the "war on terror." Bush has spent a lot of time, money and political capital to get Americans to associate black faces and national security. And whether people want to give W credit or not, some of the previously held racist assumptions about a black candidate Bush did his best to dispel.

So does that mean Obama should write W a card for Valentine's Day? Hell no. But that whole strange bedfellows thing is sometimes even stranger than you think.

Video Killed the Candidate

I've come up with a voter IQ test that assesses your knowledge of political issues based on your interpretation of some data presented below. For the test, you'll be asked to watch a video and then choose a letter with the best description of that video. Each choice has a corresponding candidate for whom you should vote (if your state has not held a primary yet) or support to win the nomination and/or general election. Scroll down for answers. Please note, some answers correspond to candidates who have dropped out of the race.

Video Test

If you thought the video can is best described as:

A) What should be playing on MTV
B) What happens when writers go on strike
C) The opening credits for public television show hosted by the Red Hat Society
D) Why the terrorists hate us
E) A far worse experience than being a POW for 5 years
F) Why Bill Clinton cheated on his wife
G) What it feels like to go to college when everyone else you knew stayed at the mill

Then your candidate to vote for/support is:

A) Mike Huckabee
B) Barack Obama
C) Hillary Clinton
D) Rudy Giuliani
E) John McCain
F) Mitt Romney
G) John Edwards

It's Chesapeke Tuesday... do you know where your vote is?

Call me crazy, but I feel like there are Big Things on the Horizon for tonight. Having almost recovered from the loss of John Edwards for the Democratic nomination, I have thrown my support behind and absentee balloted for Barack Obama. Snarff will be heading to his polling place to cast his vote in the DC primary, so we'll be looking to him for some primary coverage.

Having voted in Maryland primaries before, I realized that this is the first time that the Maryland primary actually makes a difference. It's as if Maryland, VA, and DC have banded together to try to make some noise.

DC will undoubtedly answer the call of Barack and if Delaware is any prediction, Maryland will do the same. Virginia's population centers will swing to Barack as well, though Hillary will be trying to eek out support in the low-density areas.

Tonight will be MAJOR. Perhaps tonight will be the night. After Obama's weekend coup, here's to carrying the month!

The Super Mardi Edition

Is anyone else feeling a sense of ennui related to Super Tuesday? If so, you might want to consider some King Cake. You don't have to eat it--just consider it. I'm about to consider a piece myself.

So what's going to happen tonight? I'm thinking great victories for Obama and McCain. Clinton, Romney, and Huckabee will all stay in the race, but the momentum will carry Obama and McCain to the nomination.

It's no big secret that I abhor Hillary. I'm a bit concerned, though, that Obama might pick Clinton as his running mate. Is this something I shouldn't really worry about? Because I do. Just as I know I'd rather write-in than vote for Hillary, I don't think I could vote for an Obama-Clinton ticket.

Presidential Politics

A good friend of mine has been posting (almost daily as of late) since 2006. This is a great blog if you want to expose yourself to some great analysis on the bid for the White House. Do yourself a favor and bookmark this link until next November.

Fed to pay you to take US money

I still don't think this will help the economy.

Little Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye

One of the benefits of living in an ultra-swank building in one of those cities where developers spent the last five years thinking, "What will attract these young hipsters to our condos?" is that you can watch CNN (does this reveal my city or what?) while waiting for the elevator and can even program your key fob so the TV inside the elevator switches to a channel of your choice.

But imagine my dismay when my daily dose of CNN informs me that my darling, my golden boy, nay, my man has decided to drop out of the Presidential race. Oh, little Johnny. With your John Ritter-style good looks (before he got all pudge), your charming smile, your gold Dodge Grand Caravan, your brilliant and humble wife, you were my last great hope for this country.

*Tear*

It's not every day that someone who occupies a position of privilege actually takes the time to think about the people who really make this country, its economy, and the great machine of capitalism tick. A political platform, certainly, but also an understanding of the types of programs and policies we really need to sustain our labor force. And by sustain, I'm not talking about keeping the workers alive. What I mean, instead, is that these people deserve respect, dignity, and access to health care, jobs, and education--all of these things that so many of us (including me) enjoy uncritically.

When I was holed up in my Ivy League tower, drinking my education through a funnel (that's a joke, Mom), I really didn't think much about how and why I got there. Yes, I knew that my immigrant parents took a great risk, came to America and worked very hard. Yes, I knew that I had worked hard enough to get into college. But I never thought about why people didn't get college educations, didn't have health care, didn't have jobs.

These are things that became urgently important to me, particularly when I began to work in education, saw and heard about what can happen in classrooms, and read more about the state of the public education in the United States, Every Child Left Behind, and everything by Jay Matthews (for what that's worth). Later, when I went to graduate school and took a course on pedagogy, I read Paulo Freire's Literacy and, later, Pedagogy of the Oppressed. While Brazilian adult education might not seem germane to the problems ongoing in the United States today, Freire had his finger on the pulse of the ideological state apparatus:

Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming more fully human. This distortion occurs within history; but it is not an historical vocation. Indeed, to admit of dehumanization as an historical vocation would lead either to cynicism or total despair. The struggle for humanization, for the emancipation of labor, for the overcoming of alienation, for the affirmation of men and women as persons would be meaningless. This struggle is possible only because dehumanization, although a concrete historical fact, is not a given destiny but the result of an unjust order that engenders violence in the oppressors, which in turn dehumanizes the oppressed.

John Edwards showed a commitment to the enterprise of being human instead of a commitment to corporations more interested in the enterprise of dehumanization. He realized that those of us who have the means can be noblesse oblige, in the true sense of the word--nobility obliges, with great privilege comes great responsibility. Critics derided Edwards for that soundbite we've all heard: his father was a mill worker as was his grandfather before him. But even though Edwards--a first-generation college student--got the education his father and grandfather never could have and earned amounts of money of which his forefathers only could have dreamed, he remembered where he came from. He remembered the people he came from.

For a brief moment, I had great hope that we might have a leader who was willing to put his money where his mouth was, cared about invisible labor and exploited workers, and demonstrated a commitment to the sort of progressive populism that we so desperately need to make the world a better place. Perhaps you're thinking, "Oh, that'll never happen" and, believe me, I've heard it before. But John Edwards believed that it could happen and offered us a politics of hope.

State of the Union Predictions

Because I loooooove to prognosticate (and, apparently, procrastinate), here are my thoughts on tonight's State of the Union Address.

Things we will hear:

• "The State of the Union is strong!" (*snort*)
• "No Child Left Behind was a success!" (*snort*)
• "The troop surge worked!" (*snort*)
• "I care about America!" (*triplefucking snort*)
• "Pass my most awesome, excellent economic stimulus package!" (*sigh*)

Things we will not hear:

• the truth.
• the truth.
• the truth.
  

Obama Kicks Hillary's Ass: South Carolina

I'm flabbergasted that CNN is reporting that Obama won without emphasizing the gigantic victory he had over Hillary. Even more interesting is that 61% of the Dem. voters were female, yet Obama won. I think this is a great sign that we're not allowing identity politics to determine our votes.

Someone I know posted a message which indicated that one could not call herself a feminist if she didn't vote for Hillary. I found this statement completely appalling. I told her as much. A mild debate ensued, and she finally gave up when I suggested that a feminist might, you know, actually think about *all women* (to say nothing of all people!). Is Hillary Clinton good for *all women*? I don't think so. Maybe glass-ceiling-breaking professional women and corporate women in particular. But does she care about working-class women? She doesn't appear to care about working-class people at all. Some other people--including avowed feminists--jumped in to agree that her original statement was offensive. Am I a feminist? Well, I believe that there should be equality between all sexes (and ethnicities, class-status, etc.), so I guess so. Do I believe that Hillary is the best choice? No.

And neither do the women of South Carolina.

John Edwards made a third place showing, and he is vowing to stay in the race. Is this a good plan? Well, I think it is. Perhaps he'll have some kingmaker-style leverage at the convention--though since I just don't understand this "superdelegate" business, who knows. But his presence calms me. And anyone who can calm me is good in my books.

Na na na na.... Na na na na... Hey Hey Hey... Goodbye

Elliott Stabler, Olivia Benson, Richard Belzer, Ice-T, and Assistant D.A. Casey Novak are getting their D.A. back!

Fred Thompson drops out of the race.

More Interest Rate Cuts, Stocks Drop

Read this article. I challenge you to prove to me that we're not already in recession.

Huckster Challenge: Raze the South

I challenge any reader* to the complete the following three steps:

1. Watch this video.

2. Repeat these sentences 10 times: The man admitted to the act of frying a squirrel in a popcorn popper. And eating it.

3. Vote that man into the White House proudly admit to it for four years.

I never thought I'd ever admit to this, but....Hilary Clinton is looking good right now.

Side Note: Does Mike's mode of cooking make anyone, like it does me, wonder, how said squirrel was actually caught?


*(Only valid for readers born/raised outside the area commonly referred to as Dixie and do not believe that Adam and Eve rode dinoback through the Garden, that Jefferson Davis was the first president, and/or that Jesus was a virgin.

H-Bomb Representin'

And the Fishmonger shall don the robes of Cain.
Esther 121:2

Recession Roundup: Stupid Economic Simulus

Word out on the street is that Bush is pushing a $145 billion economic stimulus package designed to prevent us from entering a recession. (N.B. Can we stop pretending we're not in a recession already?)

This package includes up to $800 in tax relief for income tax payers, which will be accomplished without repealing Bush's tax cuts for the rich.

Explain me this: Given our current deficit, how is this a good plan? I will remind you that the US National Debt clock currently reads:

.

But where will this money come from? Will we just tack it onto our deficit? We're certainly not getting it from the wealthy--those very people who have benefited from Bush's presidency and who, in truth, bear partial responsibility for the state of the economy at the moment. Had they said, "You know? We should do our part and be taxed fairly," I don't think we'd be in as dire a situation as we are right now. (Given Bush's stupidity, no doubt we'd still be SOL but not to the tune of nearly $9.2 trillion.)

And what about the people who don't pay income tax? There's something like 50 million Americans who don't pay income tax because they do not make enough money to have to pay! They could certainly use $800 more than I could. In fact, mark my words, if I receive an $800 check from the U.S. Treasury, I will find a family who doesn't pay income tax, and I will GIVE them my check. I mean it. I know it's not going to solve the world's problems, but I'll do it for the principle. Don't these people deserve some relief, seeing as they're the people with the *real* problems: the ones who can't afford to put a tank of gas in their cars (if they even own one), the ones who can't afford the rising cost of food staples, the ones who don't have job security because they work in construction and will be the first to be laid off, the ones who have to choose between buying their children a winter coat and paying for the gas bills that heat their homes. Why should a family of four making between $25K and $40K not receive tax relief while I would?

If you have a chance to call up your Senators or Representatives about this, please do. Tell them that you support a stimulus package that looks after non-income-tax-paying individuals. These are the people being hit hardest by the recession that we are currently in. These are the individuals who have the most to lose when money is cut from social programs to pay for my $800. And if you are fortunate enough to receive a relief check, give it to someone who really needs it. While stimulating the economy, you will also be helping out someone who really needs it. Because, face it, you probably don't.

South Carolina Republican Primary Christian Voting Guide

Hello evil bastards. The Most Reverend Gromit, voted most LORDish Minister 3 years running in Jesus magazine, here with an important message.

If thou votest in tomorrow's South Carolina Republican primary, most likely you are not reading this, because you cannot read. But let's say you have "kinfolk" living in the backwater the Klan never forgot. Read this post to them as if they were blind, retarded children. For in the LORD's eyes, we all are blind and retarded.

Voters: as you ridest in the family wheelbarrow to the polls tomorrow, you may be distracted by how attractive your cousin is. Or you may wrestleth with Grandpa for another swig of corn liquor, or for a taste of Grandpa's meds. Do not let Satan lead you astray from your sacred duty to vote for someone who loves to kill the brown peoples of the world: a Republican! Before thou stumblest into the voting booth, there are things that the LORD needs you to know about the candidates.

And Lo! Didst the LORD spakest upon high to the Reverend Gromit. HE didst say that not only did I have fantastic wingtips, but also shared a little "holy nugget" about each candidate. I tried to scan the stone tablets he didst hand unto me, but alack, scanners are made of glass. Satan's glass.

So now, with much further ado, is Jesus's Christian voter's guide.

Rudolph Giuliani: Canst I not buy a vowel sir? There may not be an "i" in team, but there are 15 in Giuliani. This is a sure sign that Giuliani is a dirty Papist, and he may even be...Italian. He also sneaks into the homes of good Christian women and aborts their babies whilst they sleepest.

Mike "Jesus Jr." Huckabee: On the confederate flag: "In fact, if someone came to the state of Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them where to put the pole - that's what we'd do." Amen. You know a man is a good Christian when he is imagining thousands of people being anally penetrated.

Duncan Hunter: Even the LORD doesn't know who this guy is.

John McCain: How many illegitimate Black children dost John McCain have tucked away around the country? 587. That's the kind of info that only the LORD and Dick Cheney are privy to.

Ron Paul: Public masturbator.

Mitt Romney: While Mitt believes in several unnecessary extra Bibles, he also believes in polygamy. Which the LORD is all about. This is how the LORD explaineth it to me: "If I wanted men to have only one wife, I wouldn't have made Thai prostitutes so ME-damn hott." Yes, the LORD spell hot in mysterious ways.


Fred Thompson: Hast thou ever looked upon Fred Thompson and thinkest that his skin is starting to fall off of his head? This is because Fred Thompson died last year and taxidermists have been frantically trying to keep him looking alive. It hast not been working.

So tomorrow, when you push that Diebold voting machine touch screen, remember: Huckabee is Holy, but Romney is Rocking the Poligamy thing. So Romney it is. Amen, and praise be to Gromit.

Lou-ser

Best reason rationalizing Lou's run for the White House:

"Lou Dobbs does not want to run for President and does not consider himself a politician. Sometimes, history demands that good people do what someone must do!"

Some campaign predictions and promises of a Dobbs Presidency: He runs on the platform to outlaw anything with a Mexican word in its name/title. Taco Bell included. Chihuahuas will be exterminated. He only campaigns at Borders bookstores. Tom Tancredo is his obvious choice for vice-president. (Funny thing about Tancredo - his name is the synthesis of two spanish words tan and credo. My rudimentary knowledge suggests that his last name means Like a creed or such as a creed. His stance on immigrations proves that Tommy lives up to his name). Lastly, New Mexico will be forced to declare a new name or face the fact that Lou's iron fist will be hovering over the red telephone. There's already been one nuclear explosion on your turf New Mexico...

Johnny Edwards Just Wants Some Love

Let's give it to him!

Hugo, No Not Victor

Have you heard the news? Hugo Chavez is dating Naomi Campbell. I believe it. When she went to Venezuela to interview him for GQ, he entreated her to touch his muscles. Apparently, she liked what she felt.

This news just confirms my knowledge about the awesome power of Hugo Chavez.

Why I Love Hugo:

-Any friend of Fidel's is a friend of mine
-Fidel gave Hugo the sword of Simon Bolivar, passing the torch la revolución (Yes, that's the sword to the left. Please refrain from comment.)
-Survived an attempted coup by the CIA
-Called Dubya the devil and swore he could still smell the sulfur
-Thinks Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival should be required reading for all world leaders
-Is not afraid to challenge America

Why do you love Hugo?

Desperate Times

And didst the Sodomites dine upon the Scrod of unhappiness.
Psalm 293

Now dost the Democrats prepare to trot out the most unelectable Lesbian in modern history. At the DNC they laugh and say, "Where's your Jesus now, Reverend Gromit?" I urgeth you to protect thine families.

Vile Sinners, riddle me this:

Let's say you have a teenage daughter. Let's call her Jesusette. Now you are paying out thousands for Jesusette to attend a private girls High School. Now one day, Jesusette comes home with a mean looking field hockey goalie named Hilda and your little angel announces that she is a Sodomite. And LORD smite it, they holdest hands.

How many nights have you been on your knees, entreating the Almighty for grandchildren? How many child beauty pageants did you enter little Jesusette in so she could discover the joy of girdles and stiletto heels? And how many Sundays did you bring Daddy's little girl to hear the Reverend Gromit talk about the "abstinence explosion" of the LORD? Not enough apparently, but it is not too late. But time is of the essence.

For the Devil hath granted the evil Lesbian unnatural knowledge of the lady parts. When a good, G-d fearing straight man gets into the marriage bed he says, "Woman! Line 'em up so I can knock 'em down." And it is good.

If thy wife says unto him, "Why dost thou not put thy mouth to my nether regions?" He dost what the LORD would dost. He screameth "HEATHEN!" and smackest her with the Old Testament. But the Lesbian doth not do such. She doth useth the mouth of the Sodomite to draw the devil from thy pure daughter's nether regions.

Recently, Africa hath been making advances in "Lesbian Control". Some of their methods are extreme, but effective. My personal favorite: stitch that thang up. Stitch it and give thy son-in-law the sacred golden scissors right after the Father-Daughter Wedding Dance (which is not at all weird, praise Allah!) Then Jesusette will be right with the LORD once again, and Hilda will be Shitteth Out of Lucketh. (Numbers 39:93)

The Economist's campaign blog had an interesting post from the other night positing a new low for punditry. A strong claim is being made that Chris Matthews* (and presumably his industry kith) are unable to objectively hate on Hilary, thus increasing the compassion voters have for her. It makes sense, if you think about it in an irrational way -- and most voters vote irrationally. I can see many people, especially women, saying to themselves "Well she's been through so much already and Obama is winning by a lot, so I'll just vote for her to make her feel better".
As far as the recount goes, I think it will have little effect on the outcome. It's unlikely that Hilary swindled anyone. I think more independents voted for McCain over Obama (and Ron Paul) and more people turned out in general. Hilary has more support from voters than Obama does and the loss of the indie vote to McCain hurt him more than we realize. I think Clinton was (pleasantly) surprised by the NH win, expecting a second place finish instead. Even if something suspicious did happen, it's going to be nearly impossible to connect Hilary to voter fraud. It's not like Bush himself rigged the election in 2000. We like to say he stole the election, but it's more plausible that Republican operatives rigged the vote in Republican held districts than that Bush directed them to steal the vote for him. The orders for voter fraud are more likely to come from the party than the candidate. Also, if there was voter fraud, you can bet that the parties do not want it openly reported to the public and here's why:

1. Apathetic voters will be even less likely to come to the polls.
2. It will seem like the candidates are already chosen and this is only a dog-and-pony show.
3. It gives the edge to the other party in terms of ethical reputation, potentially hurting the
entire part in the Congressional elections (occurring the same day as the Presidential vote).
And finally,
4. It cements the suspicions that the public has about how votes are meaningless, politics are
inclusive of the people, politicians are calculating, power-greedy, and patronizing. It will
demoralize the voters and make the elections even less credible.

*The most disturbing thing about this whole theory is Chris Matthews. He's a pundit's pundit who looks like he's having the slowest stroke in history. The worse thing about him is that he can't even laugh. Instead of producing the sound of laughter that all humans make when they're amused, he actually pronounces the word (HA!) that represents the act.