So many questions.

In an effort to prove to the West that they are really the narcissistic attention-seeking terrorists we all know they are, Al Qaeda is opening up to questions from journalists. I have a feeling that some heads could roll (figuratively and literally) after this episode concludes. Fox News & Friends (read: the Administration and anyone who unconditionally loves America) will pillory any journalist for even thinking of asking questions. The associative logic displayed by these people sickens me but, alas, that's for another post. I'm also a little worried for Al-Qaeda's PR man. If he lets the wrong questions in, especially with the translation factor, we could see an internet video of him being fired. And by fired, I mean being decapitated. I am posting my questions below. I am also asking you, the loyal reader, to post as many questions as you want to ask Number 2.

9. How long did it take your beard to grow to its current length? Was it pre- or post- Lord of the Rings?

8. Has anyone ever referred to you as the Gandalf of Arabia, or do you feel more like Gimli since you live in a cave?

7. What is your biggest pet peeve about living with Osama Bin Laden? (He strikes me as the kind of guy without the common courtesy to replace the cap on the toothpaste).

6. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? 10 years?

5. What is on your iPod right now?

4. If you were a car, what brand, make, and model would you be? (My guess is a Yugo.)

3. What parenting advice can you offer to Jamie Lynn Spears?

2. (Sung to the theme from Carmen Sandiego) Where in the world is Osama bin Laden?

1. If the result of having sex with a man named Mohammad was the conversion or death of every non-Muslim in the world, would you complete that task?